Biblical discipline
===
[00:00:00] So why is biblical discipline so confusing? Why does it feel like every pastor, every parenting book, and every social media post is saying something totally different? There's dozens of voices, dozens of opinions, and all of them are claiming to be the right way to raise your child. But the truth is God's design for discipline is not meant to be complicated.
He's not the author of confusion. He's the source of our wisdom, and he has already equipped you to be the best person to guide your child through discipline and through grace. The right way to discipline doesn't come from your parents. It doesn't come from your pastor. It doesn't come from me. It comes from God and the Holy Spirit's wisdom that's planted inside of you to lead your child in a way that works for their good and his glory.
Today we're going to just clear out the noise and get back to the truth so that you can feel confident and calm in your role as a parent, [00:01:00] even when correction is needed. Hi friends. Welcome back to Raising Faithful Families. I'm your host, Katie Bordeaux, and today we're kicking off a powerful new series about discipline, peace, and parenting from a place of connection, not chaos.
If you've ever found yourself thinking, should I be more strict or should I show more grace? Is spanking biblical or is it not? Am I messing this up? How do I know if I'm disciplining God's way or if I'm just repeating the things that I learned growing up? Am I failing my child because I can't seem to figure this out?
How do I correct my kid without losing my temper? Friend, this episode is for you. We're gonna talk about what biblical discipline actually is. How to stay calm when you're correcting your child, and what to do when you mess it up, because spoiler alert, we all do sometimes. We hear the word discipline and we immediately think of punishment, consequences, [00:02:00] control, power, struggles.
But God's design for discipline isn't about asserting dominance or demanding perfection. Proverbs three verses 11 through 12 says, my son do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke because the Lord disciplines those he love. Discipline isn't something we do to our kids, it's something we do for them.
It's about teaching, guiding, training, correcting. In fact, the word discipline comes from the same root as disciple. Your role as a parent isn't to punish, it's to disciple your child towards wisdom, maturity, and their own relationship with God. So what's the difference between punishment and discipline?
Are we just pretending like there's some kind of difference? No, there's a very clear difference here. So let's break it down very simply. Punishment is driven by frustration where biblical discipline is rooted in love and [00:03:00] purpose. Punishment focuses on the path mistake, while biblical discipline focuses on the future growth.
Punishment brings shame on the child. Where biblical discipline restores the child punishment seeks control. Where biblical discipline seeks connection, punishment is going to cause fear or resentment, where biblical discipline will build trust and maturity. If your correction is leading to shame, fear, or disconnection, it is time to get realigned with God's heart.
So let's talk about how to do this practically with three steps to calm biblical discipline. Number one, pause before you respond. You don't have to react immediately. In fact, one of the most powerful parenting tools is simply to learn how to pause. Stephen, three to five seconds will give your brain time to calm down, give your [00:04:00] heart time to align with the spirit, and give your mouth time to choose wisdom over hatefulness or reactivity.
Try a simple rhythm of pause, pray, then proceed. Proverbs 29, verse 11 says, fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. There is no need. To share that rage that you feel in the moment with anyone. You're not weak for pausing. You are wise for seeking God before you speak. Number two, correct the behavior, not the identity.
When your child messes up, it's easy to say things like, oh, you always do this. Why are you like this? You're so difficult, you're so disrespectful. Things like that. But what they hear is, you are bad. You're a bad person. Instead speak to the choice that they made, never to their character. That [00:05:00] was not an okay choice, but I know you're capable of doing better.
I just love you too much to let you act that way. Let's talk about how we can do this differently next time. Your child is not their mistake anymore than you are yours, and your words need to reflect that. Number three, lead with connection, not control. You don't have to shout to be strong. You don't have to withdraw.
Love to prove that you're in charge to prove your authority. Connection before correction is not permissiveness. It's making sure that your child's heart is open before you speak into it. Romans two verse four says, it's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance. Kindness is not weakness. It's effective.
It's what builds trust and brings about true change. So what if you messed it up already? Well, you're in good company. You're not the only one because every parent has a moment [00:06:00] or a hundred moments that they wish that they could take back. The answer isn't shame, it's repair, apologize, acknowledge what happened, and reconnect, recenter your heart and God's grace.
First. John one verse nine reminds you that if you confess your sins, he's faithful. And just to forgive you, this isn't just for salvation, it's for everyday life. You're allowed to reset and so is your child. If discipline has been feeling more frustrating than fruitful lately, if you find yourself raising your voice, reacting before thinking, or ending the day with guilt instead of peace, I wanna invite you into something that's already helped so many other parents just like you.
It's called the Five Day Challenge to stop yelling at your kids and it's a hundred percent free. In just a few short days, we'll walk together through what's actually driving these reactions. How to respond calmly, even when emotions run [00:07:00] high and biblical tools that help you lead with love instead of losing your cool.
You don't have to figure this out alone. So just head to the description and you'll be able to get the link to that challenge. So. Friend, you are not behind. You're not broken. You are not failing. You're a faithful parent and you're learning and growing. Every single day. God has entrusted you to raise your child or your children not to be perfect, but to be present, to disciple them, and to lead with love.
To create a home where peace and purpose go hand in hand. So let's raise our families with faith and intention. I'll see you next week where we'll talk about how to set the emotional tone in your home, even when life feels chaotic. Until then, take care and God bless.
