Body Image
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[00:00:00] Welcome everyone today. We've got Debbie Ryan joining us on the show. Debbie has been teaching parents and families for 10 years. She has a degree in health marketing and communications and a decade of service with Christian care ministry. She's invested in the holistic wellness of those around her, especially of course, her family.
And she's joining us on raising faithful families today to share practical tips and strategies for teaching our children about nutrition and wellness and how wellness begins with Jesus. So Debbie, I'm so excited to talk with you today about how to teach our children about body image and how to align that with the word of God.
Yeah. Is there anything else about you that you'd like to add for our audience before I get into the questions that we have for you? Well, sure. And first I just want to say thank you so much for having me. This is definitely a topic I'm truly passionate about. You know, really I think it helps to have a little bit more background
Do you want to create peace in your home and be the best parent you [00:01:00] possibly can be? Are you ready to feel confident and clear in your decisions? Do you wish you could navigate conflicts and challenges calmly and effectively? Well, there's a way to overcome the roadblocks that are standing between you and the family life you've prayed for, so that you can create consistent routines, find fulfillment and balance, and thrive in your life and family.
Hi friends, I'm Katy Bordeaux, host of Raising Faithful Families, founder of Covenant Collections Christian Parenting Company, and a certified parenting and family coach. In this podcast, I'll guide you on how to find balance and fulfillment without adding stress or sacrificing precious time, create peace in your home, become the parent God has called you to be, strengthen your connection with God and with your family, navigate life using biblical wisdom and Christian values.
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I pray this blesses you. Let's get started.
really I think it helps to have a little bit more background on some of my experience.
And, you know, I think back to my college days where I started out as an exercise science major. And at that time I was competing in national level fitness competitions. I learned a lot about health, but I also learned how to not do certain things in the health sphere. And, you know, through all those ups and downs, I, Then moved into doing wellness classes, biblically based wellness classes, aligned with nutritionalist, and even got to teach in a faith based gym as a personal trainer.
So all [00:03:00] those experiences then led me to Christian Care Ministry, which administers the MediShare program. I get to now work alongside health coaches, people with degrees in nutrition and physiology, but get to communicate that out to members. But I laugh as I sit back because I'm seeing all those experiences that I've had in the past and how God gives us these opportunities to take those past experiences and then use them to encourage others.
And today we're going to talk about how God's taken those past experiences and allowed me to use them in my most important ministry, which is being a mom to my two kids. So thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share how it's worked for me. And I hope that it will encourage some listening as well.
I'm sure it will. I'm so excited and a faith based gym sounds awesome. We need more of those. First of all, so the question I'd love to get out of the way. 1st is sort of related to a concern that some parents may have when you 1st dive into this topic, self esteem, obviously, it's 1 of the most powerful gifts.
We can equip our children [00:04:00] with and as important as health and nutrition are sometimes the wrong kind of focus on those topics could negatively impact our kids confidence. Thanks So what kind of guidance can you offer to parents to make sure they're placing a healthy focus on those things and not crossing any lines that could ever be potentially damaging?
Yes, that's an excellent question. I appreciate you asking it. For me and my kids, there were concerns over weight. And I would never return the topic back to weight. I'd always shift it to health. And I think it's really important that we do align all those concerns our kids have with the word of God. So the word of God doesn't talk about what our weight needs to be, but it does give us lots of great encouragement into keeping healthy bodies.
So it was important to me to always talk about health versus weight with my kids. However, I feel that kids today can get made fun of for so many things. It's not just wait, [00:05:00] um, my daughter's in middle school right now. So, Oh, here at all. I mean, it's because a kid has, you know, too big of a forehead. Or my daughter got made fun of him for having too small of feet.
Uh, it's the silliest things. And, um, none of that is what God tells us to focus on, right? So shifting to the things that God cares about, that character, you know, our actions. That's how I've always shifted the conversation when speaking with my kids. I think that's great. And it kind of leads us into what I put down next.
So we're told in first Corinthians six, 19 through 20, that our bodies are a temple of the Holy spirit within us, that we're not our own, and we are to glorify God in our bodies. So I always find that verse so motivating when I need to readjust my mindset, if I'm not taking really good care of myself, like it's not just me, it's not me that I'm worried about.
I'm taking care of something God gave me. And that is him in me. So how can we teach this to our kids in a way that will be really [00:06:00] encouraging and motivating for them as well? Yeah. So with my son, so back in fourth grade, there was a scenario where. The bus was overcrowded. They were fitting three people to a seat on the bus.
And a kid said something to my son about him taking up too much space on the seat. And this was the first time anything like that was ever said to my son. And he started being a little self conscious about his weight. And so that opened up the opportunity really for the first time for me to seek the Lord's guidance in how to parent my child through this.
And we started having conversations about. What we can control and what we can't control. Um, so to reference your verse specifically, I would ask him, I'm like, okay, so have you. What some healthy foods today? Have you had some fruits and some vegetables? I knew that he had, so I'd say, yes. Like, have you been active today?
Yes. Cause I knew that he had, he played on the playground, you know, he played, um, on a sports team. [00:07:00] And so I said, so you are doing the things that God's called you to do to take care of your body. And of course I would reference that, you know, God lives inside him. So we want to take care of that. I didn't always give exact Bible verse.
I would definitely apply it and made sure that he knew the truth of the word. But I think if I back it up a step more, before we even got to this conversation, I would talk to him about how God created him. You know, he created him in my womb. He created him and knew him before he was even born. And I'd ask him, I said, does God make mistakes?
And of course he'd say no. I said, so God made you perfectly exactly the way he wanted to make you for what he has for you in your life. And so, you know, he may never be a professional basketball player. We joke because he's always been frustrated with his height. It's coming. It's coming. But, uh, and so hearing both that God made you [00:08:00] exactly the way you want.
And with what you control and can't, you can't control, help give him something to focus on, to realize he is who he's supposed to be. And there's things that he can do to make sure he is making the place where God lives a beautiful place. I love that. It's so scary because my son is about to start kindergarten.
He's going to a Christian private school. So I'm like trying to tell myself I'm not going to deal with those things, but I know that I will because kids are kids and they learn a lot of these things from the way their parents talk around them and the other people in their lives. So how can we strengthen our kids self esteem and body image so that if they face bullying like that, it doesn't affect them as badly as it could?
Yes, that's an excellent question. And like I shared before, I hate to say it. It's not necessarily if I feel like it's when, but I feel like if a kid is equipped with those little tools and are solid and knowing who they are, it can pass over them and it cannot become such a big problem. [00:09:00] I'm happy to also address when it is getting a little, um, More carried away and does affect them more.
But for now, I think it's important that we let kids know who Christ says they are. So I actually went and I pulled this shirt out of my son's closet. I'm so glad he still has it because he used to always wear this. This shirt says in Christ, I am blessed, chosen, adopted, redeemed, forgiven, sealed, loved, saved.
God's child. And then it asks, what do you allow to define you? So what happens is kids will say something about your child. Oh, you're this or you're that. And your child will come home feeling like they have to wear that and reminding them that kids don't define them. Even adults, because sometimes adults can say harsh things to kids.
I will never forget in second grade when my teacher tried to teach a lesson. To the students, but in [00:10:00] doing so called me out as the pillest one in the class and that stuck with me forever. So it's not just kids. It can happen with adults as well, but them knowing that no one else defines them. God defines them.
And some of those words that I just shared, that's what he says that you are. You are loved. You are his child, right? And these are very simple, just words that even a young child can, understand and cling to, even if they're not memorizing long verses yet. Yeah. That's really helpful. Like it's, it's not about what they said you are.
Who does God say you are? Cause the only person that can define you as God, and that's not at all what he ever has said that you are. So what about for parents who Notice that their child is already developing very unhealthy habits or may already be reaching an actually very unhealthy weight, and they're just hesitant and a bit afraid about how to address that.
How can they start making healthier adjustments in their home? [00:11:00] Yeah, that's great. I think the more a child is involved in their health, The more it will stick. I absolutely think children should be a part of the grocery shopping. And especially if you have like a produce store or a farmer's market, bring them, let them pick the healthy whole foods that they want, and then maybe even let them be a part of the cooking process and makes them appreciate the food that they're going to eat so much more.
I also think it's great to even teach very young kids. The difference between God made food and man made food. It could be as simple as going to the grocery store and going in the produce section. See, these are all foods that God made. And then going to the center of the grocery store, see this package of cookies?
This has been made by man in a factory. Which one do you think is healthier? Which one do you think God would like us to eat so [00:12:00] that we have health in our body. So we can have energy to go out and do the things that we want to do. If they're on a soccer team, you know, specifically related to which one will give you the energy to run fast in your soccer game.
That sounds fun. I'm going to do that with my son. I love that. Until we get to the vegetables, that'll work really good for us on the fruit side. You know, and I want to share a little bit of encouragement there too, because my daughter, she was that mac and cheese and chicken nugget girl for the longest time.
And, you know, here I am somebody that's so passionate about health. So I hear you parents, if this is where you're at, but we finally got a turning point, you know, by me constantly eating healthy foods and having them in the house. I constantly just try a little, well, at least sample it. It is making a difference because she finally got to an age where she cares.
And wow, we've had such a turn. She eats salads all the time. She drinks green smoothies. So just keep going. I want to encourage you. Keep introducing the healthy [00:13:00] foods, get them involved. It's coming. That's awesome. She's doing better than me. I can eat vegetables if they're cooked, so I can't really do so.
So what are the risks of not prioritizing health and wellness? Things like social withdrawal, their energy, their irritability, things like that. What have you seen when parents fail to prioritize this? What happens? Yeah. You know, unfortunately we're seeing lots of anxiety even among kids. And what I think is happening is these.
Negative thoughts that may be coming from outside. Right. But then once they're inside the kid's brain, they can tend to spiral out of control. So I love to give the example of, okay, take those thoughts captive. You can't tell a little kid, you need to take your thoughts captive because they don't know what you mean, but I would love to give an example.
There was a book I read and did with my kids called good pictures, bad pictures by Kristen Jensen. But in this book, she gave a great example about [00:14:00] a. desire brain and a controlling brain. And I think it applies here. So I'd like to do a little exercise with you if you read real quick. So take one of your, one of your hands and make it a fist.
So this is your desire brain. So this is the part of your brain that says, wow, those cookies were so good. I want to eat that whole plate of cookies. But we also have a controlling brain. So I want you to take your other hand and I want you to wrap it around your fist, almost like you're playing rock, paper, scissors, right?
And this controlling brain allows that desire brain, you know, to control it and say, You know what? I don't need to eat a whole plate of cookies. That would make my belly hurt. I'm not supposed to eat a whole plate of cookies and go off and do something else. So this principle, I think, also applies when we talk about taking captive our thoughts.
Because, you know, We can have that again, that fist, those thoughts, those spiraling thoughts that, um, can get out of control, but we have the ability with our controlling brain to say, stop. And it's important to stop those [00:15:00] thoughts and replace them with, I am blessed. I am redeemed. I am a child of God with those positive things.
I also think of it like, so do you remember, maybe they still have these thoughts. In doctor's offices, they have those wooden boxes with the metal spiraling pieces and the wooden ball that can go up and down, right? So imagine a big giant spiral. That's going up and down. And there's that one ball right about in the middle, right?
So what can happen? And this happens in child's brains, but it happens in adults as well. But negative thoughts start to happen. And when you hear the expression, they spiral out of control. It's because they pick up speed. And one thought goes to another thought, another thought. And, you know, they, the kids at school think that I'm that the kids at school don't like me.
I'm going to be all alone. I'm going to sit alone at lunch. Everyone's going to make fun of me. And they spiral and they spiral and they spiral. So it's super important to first stop that [00:16:00] spiraling. So that's that take captive, the thought, right? And then to move back up the spiral, we have to replace it with who God says I am.
I am loved. I am never alone. I am blessed. God died for me. These positive things that we replace it with. So when you ask, You know, why is it so important for parents, you know, to play an active role in this? To me, it's more about having a healthy mind around. health and nutrition. The rest will follow.
I've just shared how long it took my daughter to get to a place where she'd eat healthy food. But it first took a couple of years of focusing on the mind, getting her mind to realize who she is and that she's capable. And then once, She got old enough to actually realize the cause and effect was food and exercise.
You know, now she not only eats well, she's working out, she's dragging me to the gym and she's 12 now. And so it took a little while to get over that hope, but she's still young and now [00:17:00] she's, she's doing it. Everything that you just said is so valuable in a way that like people who are further in their faith may not even get.
But I tell parents that are brand new to the faith and they're like, I'm just so confused. I don't even know where to start. I tell them to start with the kids resources. Start with kids worship songs. Start with the kids Bible. Learn right alongside your kid where they make it engaging and simple and they relate it to things that make sense to you.
There's no shame in doing that. And what you just said, it reminded me, I was on TikTok the other day and I saw it was a video and they were making a great point and they were saying how you have to take your thoughts captive. And in one of the comments, someone had said, everyone says that, but no one tells you how.
And if they saw what you just did, it could have made so much sense to them too. So for any adult that is struggling with the concept, whether it's taking your thoughts captive or anything else related, like that you see in scripture. Look up. How would I teach this to my [00:18:00] child? Because there is no shame whatsoever in learning concepts that way.
That's so helpful. Thank you. Absolutely. So another thing I wanted to talk to you about is how parents can shift their personal approach. We've talked about this a little bit, but things like where we don't, we aren't thinking and we say, Oh, I look so fat in this outfit or I look ugly. I need to put on makeup.
Things that adults have gotten used to saying before having kids, they don't think about it enough and they don't realize the impact they're having on their kids by saying those things. Um, I've also seen this related to like when mom says she wants a nose job and you're the child looking in the mirror and you always get told that you look like your mom and it makes you self conscious about yourself.
So what advice would you give to parents who might be struggling with their own body image, but they want to be really mindful not to share those pains with their kids? Yes. Well, to be honest, a lot of the tips that I shared and how to guide our children in a healthy [00:19:00] mindset with body image can be applied for us to, you know, it, it really is a mind shift of knowing that God made you exactly the way he wanted to make you and that you are loved just the way you are and you know, what you decide to do beyond that is fine.
But in the mind space. Of of a healthy mind. You just still need to grasp those concepts that are key that God has given to all of us that he absolutely loved us and made no mistakes when he created us. However. There are times when we still struggle with those feelings, and it is important to try not to say those in front of our kids because they are listening, they do pick up on them.
It goes back to me even sharing about eating salads in front of my daughter and now she's eating salads. They just absorb and they watch everything. Are you familiar with Tammy Seville [00:20:00] Foy? She's got a podcast. She's great. She's got a YouTube channel too, but she talks so much about your words, having power.
And she always says if you say something out loud and you can't accurately add and that's just the way I want it after like I'm so fat and that's just the way I want it, then you shouldn't have it come out of your mouth because scripture tells us that the power of life and death are in your tongue and you could very well be like making that a self fulfilling prophecy.
That concept has changed me saying anything like that. It's in your mindset for sure. I think it's also important to be real with our kids. You know, sometimes we mess up and make mistakes and sharing with my kids, I need to go to God with that. I need to pray about that. I need to work on that. I need to work this out with God.
So I think if you find yourself slipping and you say something, I think be sincere if you mean it, you know, share with your kids, you know, I'm struggling in this area. I think I'm going to spend some time with the Lord and have them help me walk through this. Amen. So I love to ask [00:21:00] people that I interview on the show, if you could instantly share one message, just one key point with everybody around the world at one time, what would you share?
I would share that you are loved. You are special. You are beautiful. Just the way you are. And I think if we teach our kids that, we teach it to them to the point where it is just so foundational to who they are. When these outside attacks come, it'll be so much easier for them to roll them off and just be reminded of who they are in Christ.
Thank you. So I appreciate you having this conversation with me. It's been super valuable for my audience who may want to connect with you and learn more from you. Where can they find you? You can find me on LinkedIn or you can find out more through MediShare. com as well. You can find me through there.
Okay. I'll put a link to those things in the show notes for everyone as well. Thank you, Debbie.
I hope you found this episode valuable friend and I pray [00:22:00] that you're walking away with a new insight perspective or idea to implement Remember that God gives you everything you'll ever need to thrive And I appreciate that you've taken the time to spend here with us today If you enjoy our podcast, please subscribe so you never miss an episode And if you wouldn't mind just take 30 seconds to leave a review So that we can continue to reach more parents like us.
I would appreciate that so much So, so much. Reach out if there's any way I can support you. And I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening.
