Creating structure in your home
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[00:00:00] I recently coached a mom who was feeling so overwhelmed by the lack of structure in her home. She wanted to establish morning routines, bedtime routines, after school routines, but found that somehow they always fell off somewhere along the way, which is a super common struggle. One that I'm familiar with as well.
I've been there trying to incorporate this nightly reset cleaning routine. And I cannot tell you how many times I've struggled with started and fallen off with this routine. It works. I love it when I'm consistent with it. So why is it that we stopped doing routines that work, even if we really enjoy them?
One reason we stopped doing these routines is that we have this all or nothing mentality. Like we expect all or nothing from ourselves. So if we miss one night, Well, we just quit all together. It's kind of like dieting where you totally fail one day and instead of just getting back on track tomorrow, [00:01:00] you just quit this all or nothing mentality can be detrimental to creating and maintaining effective routines in your home and in your family as well.
Do you want to create peace in your home and be the best parent you possibly can be? Are you ready to feel confident and clear in your decisions? Do you wish you could navigate conflicts and challenges calmly and effectively? Well, there's a way to overcome the roadblocks that are standing between you and the family life you've prayed for, so that you can create consistent routines, find fulfillment and balance, and thrive in your life and family.
Hi friends, I'm Katy Bordeaux, host of Raising Faithful Families, founder of Covenant Collections Christian Parenting Company, and a certified parenting and family coach. In this podcast, I'll guide you on how to find balance and fulfillment without adding stress or sacrificing precious time, create peace in your home, become the parent [00:02:00] God has called you to be, strengthen your connection with God and with your family, navigate life using biblical wisdom and Christian values.
And experience growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and practically as a parent and as an individual. I'm here to help your family be its best for each other so that you can be your best for the kingdom of God. It's time to create a home filled with love, faith, and true joy. Let's thrive together with God at the center every step of the way.
I pray this blesses you. Let's get started.
Human nature often leads us to seek perfection in our routines. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. So. This is so true for me. When we fall short, it is so discouraging. This perfectionist mindset can make it really difficult to maintain consistency in your life. But instead of striving for perfection, it's important that we learn to focus on progress.
Accepting [00:03:00] that it's okay to miss a day and then get back on track can make a huge difference. The best way to incorporate structure from scratch is to choose one routine that you want to start with. Don't try to change everything in your home at once. Be consistent long enough to create a new habit.
According to James Clare's book, Atomic Habits, which is very popular, small changes can lead to remarkable results. Clear explains that habits are formed by the repeated behaviors that become automatic over time. Starting small and building gradually increases the likelihood of success. In the case of the mom that I was speaking with, her kids are older.
So we talked about how to include them in the routine. We implemented a system where they had a win for achieving the goal a certain number of days each week. So for example, if they consistently accomplished their bedtime routine five out of seven nights a week for an entire month, they [00:04:00] would have a family movie night where they could stay up late with mom.
Having something to look forward to increases the children's buy in, and then when everybody's working towards the same goal together, you are instrumentally more likely to achieve it. So, what are some practical steps to create structure in your home? Number one, choose one routine. Start with one routine that you want to establish.
It could be a morning routine. It could be a bedtime routine. It can be an afterschool routine, but pick one thing that you want to focus on until it becomes a habit. And when selecting what to start with, I want you to think about what is going to have the most significant impact on your daily life right now.
So a solid morning routine can help set a positive tone for the entire day, while a calming bedtime routine can make sure that everyone gets a good night's sleep. Choose something that addresses a current pain point in your daily schedule. This will be different for everyone. [00:05:00] But number two, set realistic goals.
They have to be achievable in order to make your routine stick instead of aiming for perfection. Set a goal of completing the routine most of the time and let that be okay. So for example, achieving the bedtime routine seven or five out of seven nights a week is a realistic and attainable goal. Holding ourselves to seven nights a week may not be.
To set realistic goals, look at your current schedule, identify what potential obstacles you'll have. So if you've got this perfect afterschool routine, but you have a child that's in a sport and there's going to be sport, there's going to be practice three nights a week and a game one day a week. Those are going to be potential obstacles to this routine.
Are there certain days where it's going to be harder to maintain? This lets you plan for those days and adjust your goals and adjust your approach accordingly. This will help you have a more sustainable routine that you can follow long term. [00:06:00] And that's ultimately what we're working on here. Number three, involve your family.
Let them help you with the planning and the implementation, because when everyone understands the benefits and they work together, you have this sense of teamwork and accountability. I love family meetings, so hold a family meeting to discuss this new routine, explain why it's so important, explain how it will benefit everyone, and encourage each family member to share their thoughts and their ideas on these routines.
By involving everyone, you're going to gain their support, but also increase their commitment to helping you make the routine work. It shouldn't all be on your shoulders. Number four is using positive reinforcement. This is where you're going to bring in rewards or incentives for sticking to the routine, the amount of days that you decided to hold yourself accountable to.
This can be a huge motivator, not just for your kids, but also for you. [00:07:00] And the rewards don't have to be complicated. It can be something simple. It can be a special family activity, a small treat. It can be a movie night. It can be a stay up late night. It can be ice cream night. But when you get to visually see the progress and have something to look forward to, that can be a game changer.
So at the end of the week or the end of the month, celebrate the achievements with some type of reward to reinforce the behavior and also just make the process so much more fun and engaging and incorporate an aspect of family bonding into creating structure. Number five is consistency. Consistency is key to forming new habits.
So you want to stick to the routine as much as you possibly can. And then just don't be too hard on yourself if you miss a day, because remember that your goal is progress, not perfection. I want you to develop a trigger that signals the start of the routine. So for example, you can play a specific [00:08:00] song that kind of says, Well, it's time to start the morning routine, or it's time to start the nighttime routine.
Consistency in that trigger kind of helps everyone recognize that it's time to follow the routine, and that will also make it easier to stick with over time. Number six is just remembering to adjust as you need to. Be flexible and willing to change because life is unpredictable. Sometimes routines need to be tweaked, so you'll need to be able to look at what's working, look at what isn't working, and make changes accordingly.
You'll regularly review the routines and how it's working for everyone in the home. You'll see if there's any parts of it that are consistently causing trouble. Are there any elements that could be streamlined? Is there something that's holding you up in the morning that you can move to the night, like picking out outfits, if that becomes a big issue that holds you up in the morning?
Move that to your nightly routine instead, but don't be afraid to make adjustments. The goal is for this to work for you, work for you [00:09:00] and your family, but flexibility will help that you remain practical and effective at the same time. Number seven is to Sort of on that same regard with the rewards, but you can use charts, checklists, calendars, any type of visual reminder to track your routine because these just help keep everybody on track and they help provide a sense of accomplishment as things are completed.
Lots of kids are going to love checking things off of those. These visual reminders should be in high traffic areas where they're seen often and you won't forget about them. So something like a checklist by the front door that can remind the children to pack their bags and put on their shoes before they leave for school.
Just any type of visual cue that will reinforce your routine and keep it top of mind. Number eight, focus on the benefits. Remind yourself and your family of the benefits. benefits of keeping these structures. Whether it's more peaceful mornings, smoother bedtimes, [00:10:00] or less stress just overall, keeping the benefits in mind will help maintain everyone's motivation.
Like understanding your why is really the driving force behind being effective at anything. So you'll want to share stories or examples of how the routine has positively impacted your day or your life, your week, your month. Celebrate the small victories and improvements that come from sticking to the routines and focus on the positive outcomes to help everyone stay motivated and committed.
Research has shown that habits are most effectively formed when they're small, manageable, and tied to existing behaviors. So going back to James Clear's Atomic Habits, which I'm going to link for you as well, because it's a great book. This emphasizes the importance of starting with tiny changes and then building on them.
So for example, if you wanted to establish a nightly reset cleaning routine, like I do, start with just one task [00:11:00] instead of saying like, you've got this huge long checklist that you have to do every night, start with one task, like clearing the kitchen counters. Once that becomes a consistent habit, you add another task.
because clear also introduces the concept of habit stacking, which is exactly that. It's where you tie a new habit to one that's already existing. Now, one of the biggest barriers to maintaining routines, once again, is that all or nothing mentality to overcome this set realistic expectations and celebrate the small wins.
You don't have to be perfect to congratulate yourself for what you are accomplishing missing a day. Does not mean that you failed. It's part of the process and consistency over time will lead to your success. Creating structure in your home through systems and routines can significantly reduce your stress, improve the overall peace and mindset and environment in your home.
[00:12:00] Start small, involve your family, and focus on progress over perfection. Being consistent and flexible, you can establish effective habits that will benefit your family over time. For years to come. And if you're looking for more detailed strategies and support, join us in the common confident club at covenant collections.
com slash club, where we'll go deeper on these topics to really help you and your family thrive.
I hope you found this episode valuable friend and I pray that you're walking away with a new insight perspective or idea to implement Remember that God gives you everything you'll ever need to thrive And I appreciate that you've taken the time to spend here with us today If you enjoy our podcast, please subscribe so you never miss an episode And if you wouldn't mind just take 30 seconds to leave a review So that we can continue to reach more parents like us.
I would appreciate that so much So, so much. Reach out if there's any way I can support you. And I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for [00:13:00] listening.
