Stop yelling at your kids
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[00:00:00] Let's talk about getting your kid to listen without having to raise your voice because we have all been there where you're trying to get your child's attention and you just feel like you're literally talking to a brick wall. Your frustrations building, your voice is rising, and before you know it, you're yelling.
It's a common challenge that many parents face. And in a recent group coaching call in the Calm and Confident Club, I spoke with a mom whose number one goal right now was to get her Children to listen without having to yell. And this is something that so many parents are facing because it causes such guilt when we fail.
So we talked about several strategies and she was actually able to identify her next best move, which was to start identifying her triggers. The first step to resolving any problem is to understand it. So for this mom and likely many of you, the goal is to stop yelling. [00:01:00] But to do that, we need to figure out what triggers the yelling in the first place.
Do you want to create peace in your home and be the best parent you possibly can be? Are you ready to feel confident and clear in your decisions? Do you wish you could navigate conflicts and challenges calmly and effectively? Well, there's a way to overcome the roadblocks that are standing between you and the family life you've prayed for, so that you can create consistent routines, find fulfillment and balance, and thrive in your life and family.
Hi friends, I'm Katy Bordeaux, host of Raising Faithful Families, founder of Covenant Collections Christian Parenting Company, and a certified parenting and family coach. In this podcast, I'll guide you on how to find balance and fulfillment without adding stress or sacrificing precious time, create peace in your home, become the parent God has called you to be, strengthen your connection with God and with your family, navigate life [00:02:00] using biblical wisdom and Christian values.
And experience growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and practically as a parent and as an individual. I'm here to help your family be its best for each other so that you can be your best for the kingdom of God. It's time to create a home filled with love, faith, and true joy. Let's thrive together with God at the center every step of the way.
I pray this blesses you. Let's get started.
Is it when the kids are just so focused on a game and they don't respond to you? Is it more likely during the morning rush? Knowing your triggers will allow you to create a plan to handle these situations differently in the future. So my biggest trigger when I went through this in the past was running late in the mornings and my son not cooperating with instructions right away because I literally didn't have the time to be patient with him.
Ultimately though, that is my responsibility that [00:03:00] falls entirely on me and my time management. And I knew that I could prevent us from ending up in that situation in the first place by starting the morning routine earlier, which actually led to having to redo my nighttime routine and everything. But it was a situation that I could prevent in the first place.
So, of course, you can't prepare for and prevent every scenario that might lead you to yell. But the point is to control the controllables and reduce the number of situations that will cause you to respond this way. So, as you replace old habits with better responses, you will develop new routines that benefit you even when those unexpected situations that you couldn't prepare for come up.
Once you start paying attention to the moments that lead to raising your voice, you'll see that the patterns become very clear to you. Maybe it's that hectic rush before school when no one's ready when they're [00:04:00] supposed to be. Maybe it's a chaotic time right before dinner when nobody wants to eat what you've cooked for them.
Regardless of the situation, When you take the time to identify those high risk moments, you can prepare yourself mentally and you can have a strategy in place to address those situations more calmly. Your most common triggers, you can remove those. Another critical aspect that we discussed is whether your children are actually hearing you.
Often when kids are focused on something else, they might not fully register what you're saying unless you raise your voice. And this does not mean that they're ignoring you intentionally. It's just that their minds are preoccupied. And that's often really frustrating for us if we feel like they're totally ignoring us on purpose.
So to ensure that your children hear you without having to resort to yelling, try these steps. Number one, get their attention first. Instead of shouting from another room or yelling to them from down the [00:05:00] hall, go to wherever they are, make eye contact with them. You can even gently touch their shoulder if you need to, to get their attention and be sure that they're hearing you.
Next is you'll want to be clear and direct. Once you have their attention, give very specific instructions. So for example, I need you to pause the game and get your shoes on right now, or you'll be late to practice. You can then ask for confirmation to make sure they understood, ask them to repeat back what you said.
And this reinforces the message and confirms that they've heard you. And you can specify consequences if necessary, tell them what will happen if they don't follow the instruction, but make sure that these are logical and they're related to the task at hand. Now, what are proven methods for getting your kids to listen?
Positive reinforcement is huge. They respond so well to this. When they listen and follow instructions, praise them, [00:06:00] let them know that you noticed and you appreciate their cooperation. This encourages them to repeat that behavior more often in the future. And number two, establishing consistent routines helps children know what to expect.
And when they understand the flow of the day, They're a lot more likely to follow instructions without resisting them. Number three is be calm and patient. It's so easy to lose your patience when you're repeating yourself, but staying calm is very important. Proverbs 15. 1 reminds us that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
By you remaining calm, you're managing to model self control and patience for your children, which are two things that you want them to learn and you want them to exhibit as well when they interact with others. Number four, use natural consequences. Sometimes allowing natural consequences to occur can be a very [00:07:00] effective teaching tool.
So for example, if your child refuses to put on their shoes and they end up missing play time. They'll learn the importance of listening. That was their responsibility and they didn't follow through. I would only do this when you make sure first, the expectations are clear. They understand exactly what's expected of them.
Then let them hold some of that responsibility for whether or not they get it done and let them carry the weight of the natural consequences. If they didn't number five, break tasks into smaller steps. Especially for younger children, this can be super helpful. So instead of saying, you need to go clean your room, try go in your room and put your toys in their bins.
Then you can come back and you can say, okay, now it's time to tackle the books. Number six is offering choices. Giving children a sense of control can reduce power struggles. Offer limited choices like, do you want to brush your teeth first or do you want to put [00:08:00] on your pajamas? This was a lifesaver to me when my son was between two and three.
Because he gets to feel like he's choosing, but he's still doing two things that I need him to do. Number seven is consistent follow through. Because all the time, consistency is key. And if you've set a consequence, you have to follow through with it. Because this will teach your children that you mean what you say.
It will help them understand boundaries. It will help them gain respect for you. And it will help reduce the amount of times that you have these struggles in the future. Number eight, teach problem solving skills. This is where we encourage our children to think through solutions themselves when they're facing a problem.
So this could be a situation like they didn't get their homework done on time and you ask them, well, what do you think you should do? If you didn't finish your homework now, it's up to them. What do they think they should do? Are they going to get up early in the morning? Are they going to stay up late tonight?
Are they going to work on it while they're eating dinner? What is [00:09:00] their solution to this problem? Now, we also have a lot of valuable wisdom on managing our emotions in the Bible. And that is going to help us with reducing the amount of times that we're yelling. James 1 verses 19 to 20 tells us that everyone should be quick to listen.
Slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. By us being slow to anger and quicker to listen, we can create a more peaceful and cooperative home environment that doesn't lead us to yell as much. Now, I understand getting your kids to listen without yelling can be a challenge, especially if that is a habit that you have developed, and it's become the only thing that feels to be effective in your home for getting your children to listen.
But, I promise you, with patience, consistency, and effective communication strategies that you start to build habits [00:10:00] on, it's completely possible. I want you to start by identifying your triggers and preparing strategies for those moments and make sure that your children hear you and understand you by making eye contact, being clear and direct, and even asking them for confirmation.
Reinforce positive behavior and use logical consequences to teach important lessons. Remember that the goal is not just to get your kids to listen. but to teach them respectful and effective communication skills that will serve them throughout their lives and their relationships. As you implement these strategies, you'll find that not only do your children listen better, but your home is more peaceful and more enjoyable for everyone.
So if you're looking for more detailed strategies and support, consider joining our calm and confident club, where we'll go deeper into these topics to help you and your family thrive. That's at covenantcollections. com slash club.
[00:11:00] I hope you found this episode valuable friend and I pray that you're walking away with a new insight perspective or idea to implement Remember that God gives you everything you'll ever need to thrive And I appreciate that you've taken the time to spend here with us today If you enjoy our podcast, please subscribe so you never miss an episode And if you wouldn't mind just take 30 seconds to leave a review So that we can continue to reach more parents like us.
I would appreciate that so much So, so much. Reach out if there's any way I can support you. And I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening.
