5 Tips for a Peaceful and Efficient Home
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[00:00:00] Hey friends today. I want to talk about something that's very close to my heart. Something that I believe has the power to transform your family life. And I'm incredibly grateful to be able to say that I have a very peaceful and efficient home. But if you'd told me a few years ago that this was possible, I truly may not have believed you.
Of course, I had peaceful moments. But the thought of consistency and the ability to actually keep that expectation every day just wasn't there and the key to that is a lot simpler than you might think
Hey friends, it's Katy, host of the Christian Career Mom podcast, founder of Covenant Collections, which is a company on a mission to empower parents to thrive in all things family and life, and author of soon to be released Christian children's book, Happy Are the People. Whether it's your first time listening or you've been here with us before, the Christian Career Mom [00:01:00] exists for the working Christian mamas who desire to live purposely, grow spiritually, and create a harmonious balance between their work, life, faith, and family.
We explore all the ways to tap into our God given wisdom and grace to find fulfillment in all areas of our lives. It's so important to have a supportive community to lean on, and that's exactly what we're here for. So grab a cup of coffee or your favorite drink, find a cozy spot to listen and let's dive in.
Okay also. So I told you recently about how I've experienced having two kids. Then three kids and then back to one, which sounds really complicated. But I'm reiterating it only for those of you who may know. I only have one four-year-old son and think, I couldn't possibly know what I'm talking about with this topic. So I may have one, four year old, but I do have nine plus years of parenting experience [00:02:00] across three children. Many years of leadership education and a few youth parenting and family certification.
So I promise I'm speaking from a place of genuine belief that these methods are tried and true and will help your family the way they've helped mine. One of my biggest pet peeves is wasting my time. So I solomnly promise to never share anything with you that I don't think will be valuable. I'm not here to waste your time. So that being said, and all those years of leadership, education and experience. It never occurred to me that those skills. Would be the ones that I actually needed to create the home that I was praying for. Not the skills from parenting books or blogs. And that doesn't mean there's no great parenting books or blogs. But this seemed very odd to me at first, until you realize that according to Harvard business review over $60 [00:03:00] billion is invested every year in leadership research and development. I couldn't even find a number for how much is invested in effective parenting research. But it's obvious.
There's a very significant lack of research, research and resources dedicated to parenting. There's no clear cut data. That's not just contradicted again on the next person's blog or in the next parenting book. Every way is the best way. And it's so confusing. We're bombarded with endless new and improved parenting styles from gentle parenting to attachment parenting, to free range, parenting, democratic parenting, and so on. But here's the truth. The 100%. God's honest truth. The truth that doesn't sell programs or get clicks. Is that the very best parenting style? Depends on you and depends on your child, [00:04:00] the parenting style that works best for Sally down the street and Kelly from Sunday school.
Those styles may not work at all for you and the style that worked extremely well for your first child. I may have you hitting a wall with your second because we're all designed differently and we all require a somewhat individualized approach. It's no different than how, what works well in one marriage doesn't work at all in another. People are different. The things we desire or require are different. And we have to learn one another to have effective relationships. And the parent child experience is very much so a relationship they're individual people with individual ever evolving personalities once needs and challenges, just like we are. With so many different parenting styles out there, it's easy to get overwhelmed. We often find ourselves jumping from one [00:05:00] method to another because this one just seems like it's going to be the one that clicks. Does that sound familiar? Because I've been there too. We all want to do the best thing for our child. And I'm here to tell you that there is a way to create the home you've prayed for. And it starts with your leadership style. Your leadership style is specific to you.
It's not the same across every person. Each person can be an effective leader. From a different specific to them leadership style. So think of any effective leader. They may oversee anywhere from a few to a few dozen individuals on their team and they have to lead all of these people, all of these very different individualized people towards a shared vision with shared goals. And they have set expectations. Consistent [00:06:00] consequences. And a level of. How do I put this?
Exactly. A level of protection. I say this because the way that a leader handles. Or response to, or disciplines their team. Is very much filtered through human resources. Through policies through processes and general common courtesy that adults tend to have for other adults. So a lot of times we don't give our own children that level of a second thought before we react. A great leader. Would analyze the situation, determine if it warrants a follow-up. Possibly check in with a trusted advisor, such as HR or another leader. Then they would schedule a coaching with that employee where they outline expectations that weren't met and give that individual an opportunity to speak and be heard and share their perspective.
They would then [00:07:00] set the clear next steps. And identify the clear consequences if that was necessary. And they would maintain their self-control and their respect towards that individual. While still remaining firm and clear unexpected behaviors.
So right now I lead a team of 11 in the past. I've had as many as 38 at one time. And I've had a team of 26 as well. And while you have to learn each individual and how they best individually receive feedback, how they best respond to feedback, how they best learn and implement information, et cetera.
And you have to lead each person tailored just a little bit differently. You lead each person from your leadership style? And this has been true across every one of them. And I can't imagine giving my child. The person that God trusted me to raise well. The person who [00:08:00] I see clearly as God's child first and foremost. I can't imagine giving him less effort. Towards effective guidance.
Then I give my employees. Does that make sense? We need to implement that safety barrier, that trusted advisor. That pause before a correction. Type of leadership in our homes, whether we do any of the other aspects of leadership parenting or not. This piece should be a non-negotiable. I recommend checking in with God. Just take your concern to him, pray on it, ask for his guidance and how to handle it.
A lot of times we feel like not disciplining or not correcting right away. Means that our kid is going to totally forget what they did wrong. And honestly, if we're thinking that, then we're either. Completely us underestimating them or we're failing to do any type of real time. Correction on it. And I would never blatantly [00:09:00] ignore that negative action when it occurs.
So real time coaching is important. But that doesn't mean a real time. Coaching and consequence. So, let me give an example. Let's say you walk into the house. And you overhear your, let's say ten-year-old. Screaming. At your twelve-year-old. And it's in a really shocking, disappointing way that you've never heard them speak before. So in this scenario, I would suggest providing real time leadership and coaching because you have to intervene as this is an active situation and you're the parent. But reacting out of impulse and deciding on the consequence in that moment. Without getting a full understanding of everything that occurred without giving your children a chance to speak and be heard. And without checking in with God. You would be doing [00:10:00] yourself and your children, a disservice. Now a similar scenario in a leadership context. If I walk into work on Monday morning and I hear one of my employees screaming and cussing at another one, I will real time deescalate the situation. I will separate them and I'll pull the angry one aside likely into my office with the door closed. I won't expect any kind of productive or beneficial conversation in this moment while the tension is so high. I will simply give them the time to regulate. I will be present.
I will respond to them if they speak to me. Which nine times out of 10, they're going to start sharing their side of the story. I'm not going to accuse. I'm not going to interrupt. I'm just going to listen attentively. When they're done. I will let them know that I hear them. But regardless of XYZ reasons, responding in that manner is not [00:11:00] appropriate and it's not acceptable in the workplace. I will offer them a five to 10 minute break to regulate, and then let them know that we will have a followup discussion later.
I'll say this very calmly, not in a threatening way, but I was calm the entire time. I shared my calm with them rather than letting them share their chaos with me. Then I do a similar thing with the other involved employee. I call them into my office and I let them speak. I ask questions to understand what occurred from their perspective. And I don't tell them the first parties perspective.
I don't contradict. I don't disagree. I don't try to disprove. I just listen. Now I tell them the same thing that, of course this behavior isn't acceptable in the workplace. And I will follow up with each of them later. In both conversations. I think the individual for being honest and open with me and for their time. Then I'm going to take all that information I've been given with [00:12:00] both individuals perspectives. And I'll make, I'll have my own of course, opinion or determination of what I feel like occurred here. But then I'm going to run it by a trusted advisor. It's easy.
Of course, if both their stories completely match and somebody fessed up to being the problem, but that's. And an ideal scenario that doesn't always happen. So you run it by a trusted advisor. In my case in order to do any type of formal consequence, like a writeup, I have to get HR approval. So, if I decided to just do a coaching, I'd go ahead and plan for that discussion. And if this were a one-off instance, and I know this person understands what they did was wrong. Based on my prior conversation with them. They don't make a habit of this.
I've never dealt with this with this person before, and I don't foresee it causing any additional issues in the future. Then I would likely just do a coaching discussion where I have a followup discussion with them from [00:13:00] earlier. Were there in a much calmer, more receptive state. So I reiterate to them that it's not appropriate. I make sure the expec expectations are clear. And I make sure the consequence for if this occurs again is also very clear. And that's it. I've now laid out that information and they know I'm going to follow through exactly how I said I will.
If it occurs again. I'm consistent. I'm clear and there's no confusion. There's no guessing there's no wondering because that would not be effective. I follow up with the other party and I don't fill them in on exactly what I said or did with the other person, because this is about them. But I do assure them the matter has been addressed. And I don't foresee it being an issue in the future and to come to me, if there's any issues or concerns moving forward. Now I've closed the loop and there's no confusion for anybody. The situation has been resolved fully. And I've not had to lose [00:14:00] my calm. Or react out of impulse at all. If this were a follow-up scenario where this happened again, after the coaching. Then I would respond with a writeup, but because that counts as a formal consequence, I would need HR approval. So they would need to basically agree that not only does this scenario warrant, this consequence. But also that the expectations were clear beforehand.
I would have to provide them with the date that the prior coaching occurred and assure them that the expectations of behavior and the expectations of the consequence, if it occurred again, had been made clear. We cannot hold people accountable. If we did not clearly communicate what was wrong and what would happen if they did it again. So then I would proceed with delivering that consequence. We are also not allowed to skip levels in consequences, unless the situation [00:15:00] is just absolutely like. Insane. So they follow a very clear escalation path where in each escalation. The expectation is reiterated. The policies are made clear and provided again.
And the next consequence is clearly explained. So that may sound super time consuming and tedious, but I promise it's not, it happens within the same day or the next day timeframe. And it's done because holding people accountable is necessary, but so is treating people fairly and respectfully. So I'm not going to treat anyone at my job more, fairly, or respectfully than my child. I'm not going to be a better leader in my career than in my home. I'm not going to give the very best version of myself that takes the time to respond the right way somewhere else. And then be an inpatient burnt out version of myself that reacts on impulse to my [00:16:00] family. That just wouldn't make any sense. So, yes, it's a little more time consuming.
Yes. It requires more self-control patients and yes, we may not get it exactly right. Every single time. But I promise you it's worth it. I promise being clear, being consistent. Being fair and being careful makes a world of difference. Putting forth that effort as an effective leader in your home will give you much better, more consistent and more efficient homes as a result. I have a lot more.
I could stay on that. And I'm actually working on a full program for that right now that is going to teach those skills a to Z. In so much more detail. But I keep developing it and I keep adding more because I want it. I just don't want to leave anything to be guessed about and nothing to be confused about.
So that will be a paid product, but I'm giving it free to anyone who gets on the wait list before it's [00:17:00] released. So you can sign up to get on that wait list at covenant collections.com/leadership style, which I'll also link in the show notes and on YouTube. Okay. So let's get into the five quick tips for a more peaceful and efficient home. Number one is establish clear expectations. So just like you do at work, set, clear expectations for the behavior and responsibilities you want at home. This ensures that everyone understands their roles and contributes to the peaceful household.
We cannot expect any kind of behavior. If our expectations weren't clear. What is common sense to us? Often is not common sense to our kids. So we have to remind ourselves that there are a lot newer at this life thing than we are. And they may need us to completely spell it out for them. Even adults need clear expectations, so definitely give them to your children and it'll go a long way. [00:18:00] Number two is effective communication, prioritize open and effective communication with your family. Encourage them to share their thoughts and their feelings. So that you can create a home with understanding and cooperation. Regardless of what you may have heard with your own ears or saw with your own eyes, never make assumptions, accusations, or stories in your mind of what occurred before allowing your children to speak and be heard. Whether it changes the outcome of your decision or not.
It matters. To let them know that you care and you value their perspective. When we react impulsively about something. We do so believing we're in the right. No one flies completely off the handle while knowing they're totally wrong. Or nobody's saying anyway, So even if your child is wrong, they may believe or have believed at the time of that action that they were [00:19:00] justified.
So if you implement consequences without ever hearing them out, The consequences will not be effective because they have this inner belief, even if they never tell you about it, that you were wrong for giving this consequence, because if you had the full story and if you understood. Maybe would've responded differently. So this impacts the effectiveness of your consequence, the effectiveness of your expectation, the strength of your relationship, and even the amount of respect they have towards you, which is a very heavy price to pay for not taking the time to listen. Number three. Is consistent discipline. Implement consistent and fair discipline strategies. Consistency helps children understand expectations and creates a more predictable environment.
When they do something wrong, they should be able to expect a certain response. They should be able to [00:20:00] count on being held accountable in the same way or a similar way than their siblings were for a similar action. They should be able to count on. Being held accountable in the same way you told them they would be.
If this occurred again. If you happen to be. Let me try to put this in perspective. Let's say.
One child. Neglected to do their chores. Last week. And you were so fed up with telling them. So you grounded them from their video games for three days. Okay. And then this week. Your other child neglect to do their chores. And you're just so tired of telling them, but you've also had a terrible day. And you are fed up and you are at your wit's end and you are just so tired of this.
And so you react in a more harsh way to this child. And you ground them for two [00:21:00] weeks. That's not consistent discipline. And vice versa. They need to know what to expect from you and know that it's clear. So they also need to know if you set it, you meant it. So respect takes a major hit when we set expectations that we don't keep. For example, parents who threatened over and over to take something like a tablet or TV time away.
If the child doesn't stop. Whatever the behavior is at whatever the event is. And the child doesn't stop. And the parent has made that expectation very clear, but then they get in the car and they're just tired and they're over it. And they don't want to listen to the whining. So they give them the tablet anyways, or they let them have the TV time.
Anyways. The damage done from that is a lot deeper than in that moment alone. That moment, actually just all but guaranteed that they don't listen to you again the next time or the next time or the next [00:22:00] time. Why would they? There's no true consequence. There's no true follow through. And they don't take you seriously.
I know that sounds harsh. And I'm sorry, but it is true. Taking the time to remain firm and consistent on the front end will save you from significantly harder and longer term issues on the backend. So it's worth it. And don't make threats. You don't actually want to back up. So here's another example. Let's say you're a single parent or, you know, you're just home alone at the time. And you have to go to something at the park leader.
You don't have a choice. You have to go your child. Hasn't been listening all morning and they're driving you up the wall. You've tried everything. You finally threatened. If you don't put your shoes on right now, you're not going to the park. Now you just put yourself in a really tough spot because you know, you have to go and, you know, you can't leave them home [00:23:00] alone. So you really have no choice, but to take them. But you just set this expectation with a clear consequence that they wouldn't be able to go if they didn't do this thing. So now if you don't enforce it, when they don't listen, you lose credibility. You lose respect and you lose effectiveness as a leader in your home. So this all, but guarantees, you're going to deal with more, not listening issues in the future.
So only set consequences that you absolutely can and will be able to stick to. Don't threaten things you're not going to do. And don't set yourself up for failure or inconsistency into your discipline. Number four. Is self care and balance. This one can be easier said than done. And there may be seasons where it's. Less than others where it's only five dedicated minutes a day. But prioritize balance in your life and don't [00:24:00] neglect your own wellbeing. This is a cornerstone for being able to do all the other things effectively. If you allow yourself to get too stressed, too burned out or overwhelmed. You're not going to be able to actually show up as an effective leader. And create this efficient, peaceful home. That would then actually afford you the benefit of more balance and self care. And number five. Faith and guided leadership allow your faith to guide your parenting decisions. Seek wisdom from your beliefs to lead your family in a way that honors your values consult a trusted friend. Your spouse, if you're married and most importantly, pray on situations with your children. And ask for guidance on how to handle things, ask for wisdom, ask for patients. Go to God with all of your needs and concerns in this season and beyond he is our greatest asset in creating the lives.
We're praying for. So, no, it's not an [00:25:00] overnight success. It's not a simple, quick fix. It's not effortless. Nothing truly effective is any of those things. Leadership inspired parenting will require some effort, patience, learning, and commitment. But it will be so worth it. The peaceful efficient home you've prayed for is very much attainable and maintainable.
I speak from experience and I want to save you and your children, the headache of trying ineffective method after ineffective method, when there's a much better way that's tailored towards you. And your individualism and tailored towards your children.
It's a tested method that allows you to parent more effectively and biblically and still raise happy, and well-rounded children without having to hand them the reigns, because we've become too afraid of damaging them to parent them. [00:26:00] But that particular rant is probably best saved for another day. So don't forget to go to covenant collections.com/leadership style to get on the waiting list for the full leadership inspire inspired parenting program.
If that sounds interesting to you. And share this with a friend or leave a review. If you found it helpful. Thank you.
I hope you found this episode valuable, and I pray you're walking away with a new insight, perspective, or idea to implement as you move forward in your journey. Remember that while busy is an often unavoidable state of being, it is not a badge of honor, and it is not a measure of our worth. God gives us everything we will ever need to thrive in our careers, our personal lives, our families, and most importantly, our faith.
If you enjoy our podcast, please subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you could please take the time to leave us a review on your favorite listening platform, I would appreciate it so, so much as always reach out. If there's anything I [00:27:00] can support you with, and I'll talk to you soon.
