Using Systems to Create Structure in Your Home
Aug 16, 2024Using Systems to Create Structure in Your Home
I recently coached a mom who was feeling overwhelmed by the lack of structure in her home. She wanted to establish morning routines, bedtime routines, and after-school routines but found that somehow, they always fell off along the way. It’s a common struggle—one I’m all too familiar with. I've been there myself, trying to incorporate a 'nightly reset' cleaning routine. I can't tell you how many times I've started and fallen off with this routine. It works. I love it when I'm consistent with it. So why do we stop doing routines that work, even when we really enjoy them?
Watch on YouTube or listen on Raising Faithful Families podcast.
The All-or-Nothing Mentality
One reason we stop these routines is that we expect all or nothing from ourselves. If we miss one night, we quit altogether. It’s like dieting: you totally fail one day, and instead of getting back on track tomorrow, you quit entirely. This all-or-nothing mentality can be detrimental to creating and maintaining effective routines.
Human Nature and Habits:
Human nature often leads us to seek perfection in our routines. When we fall short, it can be discouraging. This perfectionist mindset can make it difficult to maintain consistency. Instead of striving for perfection, it’s important to focus on progress. Accepting that it’s okay to miss a day and then get back on track can make a significant difference.
Start Small and Build Momentum
The best way to incorporate structure from scratch is to choose one routine you want to start. Don’t try to change everything at once. Be consistent long enough to create a new habit. According to James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, small changes can lead to remarkable results. Clear explains that habits are formed by the repeated behaviors that become automatic over time. Starting small and building gradually increases the likelihood of success.
In the case of the mom I spoke with, her kids are older, so we talked about including them in the routine. We implemented a system where they had a 'win' for achieving the goal a certain number of days per week. For instance, if they consistently accomplished the bedtime routine 5 out of 7 nights a week for a month, they would have a family movie night where they could stay up late with mom. Having something fun to look forward to increases their buy-in, and when everyone is working towards the same goal, you’re more likely to achieve it.
Practical Steps to Create Structure
- Choose One Routine:
Start with one routine that you want to establish. It could be a morning routine, bedtime routine, or after-school routine. Focus on this single routine until it becomes a habit.
When selecting a routine to start with, think about what will have the most significant impact on your daily life. For example, a solid morning routine can set a positive tone for the entire day, while a calming bedtime routine can ensure everyone gets a good night’s sleep. Choose something that addresses a current pain point in your daily schedule.
- Set Realistic Goals:
Set achievable goals for your routine. Instead of aiming for perfection, set a goal of completing the routine most of the time. For example, achieving the bedtime routine 5 out of 7 nights a week is a realistic and attainable goal.
To set realistic goals, assess your current schedule and identify potential obstacles. Are there certain days when the routine might be harder to maintain? Plan for these days and adjust your goals accordingly. This approach helps in creating a sustainable routine that can be followed consistently.
- Involve Your Family:
Include your family in the planning and implementation of the routine. When everyone understands the benefits and works together, it creates a sense of teamwork and accountability.
Hold a family meeting to discuss the new routine. Explain why it’s important and how it will benefit everyone. Encourage each family member to share their thoughts and ideas. By involving everyone, you not only gain their support but also increase their commitment to making the routine work.
- Use Positive Reinforcement:
Incorporate rewards or incentives for sticking to the routine. Positive reinforcement can motivate children and adults alike. Rewards can be simple, such as a special family activity or a small treat.
Seeing the progress and having something to look forward to as a result can be motivating for children and adults. At the end of the week or month, celebrate the achievements with a reward. This not only reinforces the behavior but also makes the process more fun and engaging.
- Be Consistent:
Consistency is key to forming new habits. Stick to the routine as much as possible, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you miss a day. The goal is progress, not perfection.
Develop a trigger that signals the start of the routine. For example, play a specific song to indicate it’s time to start the morning routine. Consistency in the trigger helps everyone recognize it’s time to follow the routine, making it easier to stick with it over time.
- Adjust as Needed:
Be flexible and willing to adjust the routine as needed. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes routines need to be tweaked. Evaluate what’s working and what isn’t, and make changes accordingly.
Regularly review the routine to see how it’s working for your family. Are there any parts that consistently cause trouble? Are there elements that could be streamlined? Don’t be afraid to make adjustments. Flexibility ensures the routine remains practical and effective.
- Create Visual Reminders:
Use charts, checklists, or calendars to visually track the routine. Visual reminders can help keep everyone on track and provide a sense of accomplishment as tasks are completed.
Place visual reminders in high-traffic areas where they will be seen often. For example, a checklist by the front door can remind children to pack their bags and put on their shoes before leaving for school. Visual cues help reinforce the routine and keep it top of mind.
- Focus on the Benefits:
Remind yourself and your family of the benefits of having a structured routine. Whether it’s more peaceful mornings, smoother bedtimes, or less stress overall, keeping the benefits in mind can help maintain motivation.
Share stories or examples of how the routine has positively impacted your day. Celebrate the small victories and improvements that come from sticking to the routine. Focusing on the positive outcomes helps everyone stay motivated and committed.
Research on Creating Effective Habits
Research has shown that habits are most effectively formed when they are small, manageable, and tied to existing behaviors. Atomic Habits emphasizes the importance of starting with tiny changes and building on them. For example, if you want to establish a nightly reset cleaning routine, start with just one task, like clearing the kitchen counter. Once that becomes a habit, add another task.
Clear also introduces the concept of habit stacking, where you tie a new habit to an existing one. For example, if you already have a bedtime routine, you could add a new habit to it, like setting out clothes for the next day.
Overcoming the All-or-Nothing Mentality
One of the biggest barriers to maintaining routines is the all-or-nothing mentality. To overcome this, set realistic expectations and celebrate small wins. Remember that missing a day doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It’s simply a part of the process. Consistency over time is what leads to success.
Creating structure in your home through systems and routines can significantly reduce stress and improve the overall harmony of your household. Start small, involve your family, and focus on progress rather than perfection. By being consistent and flexible, you can establish effective habits that will benefit your family for years to come.
If you’re looking for more detailed strategies and support, consider joining our 'Calm and Confident Club,' where we dive deeper into these topics to help you and your family thrive.
Author
Katy Bordeaux is a Certified Parenting & Family Coach and the founder of both Covenant Collections and Kingdom Purpose Moms. Passionate about guiding families to thrive, Katy combines biblical wisdom with practical parenting strategies to help parents build strong, faith-filled homes. Connect with her for more resources and support on your parenting journey.
Follow Covenant Collections:
For more resources, visit Covenant Collections.
