Managing Sibling Rivalry in a Faith-Based Home: Advice from Alicia Bennett

This episode is also available on the Raising Faithful Families podcast and YouTube.

Navigating Sibling Rivalry: Insights from Alicia Bennett

Welcome back to another episode of Raising Faithful Families! Today, we have Alicia Bennett joining us once again. Alicia, a mother of four boys, will share her wisdom on navigating sibling rivalry. This is a common struggle among my followers and clients, often finding themselves in the thick of children’s conflicts. Sometimes, sibling rivalry continues into adulthood, making it challenging to approach family as a cohesive team. Stick around for great strategies and relatable conversations about what you're going through and how to navigate it.

Katy Bordeaux: Do you want to create peace in your home and be the best parent you possibly can be? Are you ready to feel confident and clear in your decisions? Do you wish you could navigate conflicts and challenges calmly and effectively? Well, there's a way to overcome the roadblocks that are standing between you and the family life you've prayed for, so you can create consistent routines, find fulfillment and balance, and thrive in your life and family.

Hi friends, I'm Katy Bordeaux, host of Raising Faithful Families, founder of Covenant Collections Christian Parenting Company, and a certified parenting and family coach. In this podcast, I'll guide you on how to find balance and fulfillment without adding stress or sacrificing precious time. Create peace in your home, become the parent God has called you to be, strengthen your connection with God and with your family, navigate life using biblical wisdom and Christian values, and experience growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and practically as a parent and as an individual. I'm here to help your family be its best for each other so that you can be your best for the kingdom of God. It's time to create a home filled with love, faith, and true joy. Let's thrive together with God at the center every step of the way.

I pray this blesses you. Let's get started.

Katy Bordeaux: I'm very happy to have you back on the show, and I'd love to have you introduce yourself again to anyone who may not be familiar with you and share a bit about what you do.

Alicia Bennett: Yeah. Thanks for having me back on, Katy. My name is Alicia Bennett, and I'm a mom of four boys, ages 14 down to almost six. Having four boys means that sibling rivalry in my house is thick. Boys are competitive and love to push each other's buttons. It's an ongoing topic here. On social media, you can find me as Mobilizer Mom. I have a blog under the same name, mobilizermom.com. I have a passion for helping moms get to the root of their own identity in Christ so they can parent from a place of overflow, knowing who they are in Jesus. This way, they can disciple and raise the next generation of bold and courageous kids for Jesus. I believe it starts with the mom because so much of the heart of the home is the mom. When the mom is hurting, struggling, believing lies, or having mindset challenges, that overflows into the family culture. I work one-on-one as a coach with moms to help them get to the root of why they are wrestling in their motherhood and help them become the mom they want to be, transforming their family culture. So, that's a bit about me. Let's talk about sibling rivalry.

Katy Bordeaux: Awesome. It’s always interesting to me what kids find to argue about. I once had two little boys in front of me who were very different heights fighting about who was taller. It’s hard to mediate something like that because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but it’s like, why are you arguing about this?

A lot of parents struggle with this. It’s something that comes up for my clients and followers quite often. Do you feel like sibling rivalry is an unavoidable part of the puzzle for parents, or is there hope in overcoming it completely?

Alicia Bennett: I think it's unavoidable. If we can simply acknowledge that truth, that's the first step. We are human, and our sin nature is there. Kids wear it on their sleeves, and we adults just learned to mask it better. If we live in a household with other humans who also have a sin nature, we are going to have conflict. It’s unavoidable. Ultimately, if you have the right mindset about it, you approach it differently. Seeing it as unavoidable allows you to come at it with more of a problem-solving, compassionate conversation versus just saying, "Stop fighting." We are human, and where there’s sin, there’s conflict.

Katy Bordeaux: That’s helpful. You can think back to biblical support for sibling rivalry, sometimes and be thankful it's not that bad in your home. It can be tough for parents. I know for my mom, especially, it was hard because she envisioned having multiple children as having a built-in team and best friends for life. But my sister and I were seemingly "enemies" for years. Sometimes the hardest thing for parents is the expectation that having multiple children means they will always get along, which can lead to disappointment. Do you feel like this expectation contributes to the mental struggle and disappointment parents feel when it doesn’t look like that?

Alicia Bennett: Absolutely. It’s similar to what we talked about in our last interview about having an unspoken or even a spoken goal that isn’t being met. It’s challenging for everyone in the home. If you don’t have a spoken goal, everyone is left wondering what the goal is. If you do have a spoken goal that the siblings will be best friends and it’s not happening, that can be very disappointing. It’s not realistic to expect kids to be best friends because nobody likes to be forced into a relationship. The term "teamwork" works better because a team has different people doing different aspects. You can still work together and not like each other. Unrealistic expectations set you up for challenges and mindset struggles. Changing our expectations can change our outcomes. It’s all about how we respond.

Katy Bordeaux: That’s a good point. Sibling relationships are a discipleship moment. It’s the first place they learn conflict resolution.

Alicia Bennett: Exactly. When we have sibling conflict, it’s a chance to teach them conflict resolution. It’s the best place to learn that skill. It’s challenging as a parent when you’re in the middle of making dinner and don’t want to stop to deal with kids fighting over the same thing repeatedly. Sometimes, you just need to separate them quickly. But if you’re not teaching them conflict resolution, you’re teaching them conflict avoidance, which is the kind of adults they’ll become. It’s hard for adults who are conflict avoiders to hear this because they grew up not knowing how to solve conflict and now have to figure out how to teach it to their kids. Siblings are the first place to learn this skill, and adults need it.

Katy Bordeaux: That’s a good point. Your childhood is where you develop the tools for adulthood. Can you share what this looks like in your home with your four boys?

Alicia Bennett: They fight a lot, argue, push, and shove—all the things. Conflict peaks in elementary school for us. My older two are in middle school now, and they used to fight a lot in elementary school. They shared a room and have very different personalities. But now in middle school, they get along better. They’re not best friends, but they do things together that they both enjoy and have figured each other out. My younger two are in elementary school and are in the thick of it. I remind myself to spend the time with them to teach empathy, compassion, and conflict resolution. The goal isn’t peace or perfection; it’s discipleship and giving them relationship skills. Sometimes a child’s behavior indicates they need something but don’t know how to express it. It’s all part of teaching conflict resolution and understanding emotions.

Katy Bordeaux: That’s a good segue. What are your top strategies for parents to start reducing sibling rivalry and create more peace and conflict resolution at home?

Alicia Bennett: It starts with our own attitude as parents and how we approach conflict. View each conflict as a discipleship moment. Instead of just stopping the fighting for temporary peace, think about what you need to teach them. Sometimes, you need to separate them quickly, but ultimately, you want to teach them conflict resolution skills. If my boys are fighting over a toy, I might take the toy away until they calm down, but I will later have a conversation with them to teach compromise and empathy. You might need to hold younger kids to help them regulate their emotions. It’s about teaching emotional regulation and conflict resolution skills over time. It takes patience and effort, but it’s worth it.

Katy Bordeaux: That’s such good advice. I think our kids are capable of more than we give them credit for. Once you explain the big picture, they often get it. It’s about leading and discipling them to understand these concepts.

Alicia Bennett: Yes, especially with emotionally immature children who may not understand where their emotions come from. It takes time to teach emotional intelligence and regulation, but it’s crucial.

Katy Bordeaux: Thank you for another amazing episode, Alicia. How can our audience connect with you if they want to follow your journey?

Alicia Bennett: You can find me on Instagram at @MobilizerMom, where I share parenting tips, baby tips, traveling, sibling rivalry, and more. I also blog at mobilizermom.com. I encourage everyone to subscribe to my blog for parenting tips and free family devotional resources.

I hope this episode was valuable for you, and I pray you're walking away with a new insight, perspective, or idea to implement as you move forward. Remember that God makes everything we truly need available to us. The life you've prayed for is just waiting for you to take the next step. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and leave us a review so that we can continue showing up and reaching families who need this message. Until next time, take care and stay blessed.

Thanks for listening!

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