Shepherding Principles for Everyday Parenting Challenges 

Parenting is a journey filled with some high highs and some low lows. There’s great joy, and there’s also some pretty significant challenges. In our previous discussion, "Be Their Shepherd, Not Their God," we explored the idea of guiding our children like a shepherd, using leadership driven by love, patience, and wisdom, rather than asserting control. However, a great question arose from our community: ‘What does this shepherding approach look like in the face of everyday tantrums, disobedience, and other typical parenting trials?’ 

It’s one thing to discuss shepherding in the abstract; it's quite another to apply it to the moments when your toddler is sprawled out on the supermarket floor, or your teenager is pushing every boundary with practiced expertise. In these everyday trials, your shepherding role is put to the test. 

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Setting Boundaries Like a Shepherd 

Shepherds use boundaries to protect and guide their flock, ensuring they are safe and well-cared-for. Similarly, setting clear boundaries for our children provides them with a structured, secure environment. When they know what’s expected and the limits of acceptable behavior, children feel more secure and are more likely to thrive. 

For instance, if a child throws a tantrum or disobeys, consider this a moment to gently guide them back within the boundaries, much like a shepherd does when a sheep strays. This is less about punishment and more about correction, structure, and maintaining expectations, which are essential for their growth and their understanding of the world at large. 

Empowering Rather Than Controlling 

Psalm 23:2 offers a beautiful illustration: "He makes me lie down in green pastures." Or, in my study Bible that’s a CSB version, “He lets me lie down in green pastures.” This verse isn’t about coercion or force; it's a representation about how the shepherd provides so fully for the needs of the sheep that lying down is a natural response. Apply this to parenting, and you see that leadership is about creating an environment where children can relax into the guidance you provide because their fundamental needs—physical, emotional, and spiritual—are met. They trust in your leadership enough to rest in it, the way we do in the leadership of Our Shepherd. 

Responding to Missteps with Love and Leadership 

Just like the sheep in the viral video who jumps right back into a ditch after being rescued, children often repeat mistakes. Even with the greatest leader in the world, they won’t be exempt from learning a few lessons of their own. They may not understand the dangers or may even forget them in the moment. Here, our role is to correct and to lead with consistency, patience, and love. This might mean reinforcing boundaries more frequently or even adjusting them to better suit their growth and understanding. 

Trust in Their Growth Within Set Boundaries 

While we set boundaries, like fences for sheep, these are not to confine their spirits but to free them, while offering protection. Within these boundaries, children can explore, make mistakes, and learn, knowing they are safe and loved. They may not always understand the boundaries, and they may choose to challenge them, but they also learn to trust in your consistent leadership as their shepherd. 

Embodying the Shepherd’s Mantle 

Embracing your role as a shepherd means providing for your children’s needs to the extent that they feel secure enough to "lie down" in the comfort and peace you’ve created. It means leading by example, guiding when they stray, and protecting them from harm—always within the loving boundaries that you’ve set. 

Shepherding is much bigger than just managing behavior—it's about nurturing hearts. When you understand the heart behind the behavior, you see how beneficial this approach truly is. Your leadership guides them not only towards appropriate behavior but also towards a deeper understanding of what it means to be loved, valued, and cared for under the watchful eyes of both their earthly and heavenly shepherds. 

In your moments of doubt or challenge, remember that the ultimate Shepherd is guiding you as you guide your little ones. Lean on Him, and trust in His oversight, for just as He cares for you, you care for the precious little ones that He has entrusted to you. 

If the journey of parenting with love and leadership speaks to you, and a foundation of faith is important to you, consider joining The Calm & Confident Club. Our club is more than a community; it's an opportunity to transform your parenting approach in a way that fills you with confidence and insight. On the topic of leadership-inspired parenting, there are nine detailed lessons dedicated to giving you the framework you need to unlock the efficiency and peace you desire in your home. You’ll also find so much more, allowing you to unlock the calmest version of yourself for your family, lean on a supportive network of like-minded parents, and build lifelong connections with your children.  

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Practical Applications of Shepherding Principles 

Let’s go over a few specific examples so you can visualize how to actually apply these principles in those everyday scenarios: 

Scenario: Toddler Tantrums in Public 

Shepherd Response: Stay calm and address the child at their level. Acknowledge their feelings and gently remind them of behavior expectations in public. Offer a simple choice to help them regain control, such as choosing to calm down and continue shopping or to go home. Or ‘Would you like to hold my keys, or hold the bananas?’ The key is to only offer options you are actually willing to enforce. Do not make going home a choice if you’re not willing to follow through.   

Scenario: Teenager Pushing Boundaries 

Shepherd Response: Discuss the specific boundaries being tested and why they exist. Listen to their point of view and consider adjustments if reasonable, showing that you respect their growing independence. Reinforce the consequences of stepping outside these boundaries and the trust-based rationale behind them. The key here is to not equate discussion with disrespect. It’s important for teenagers to practice and grow their communication skills, and it’s important for parents to allow growth and adaptability. 

Scenario: Repeated Mistakes and Learning 

Shepherd Response: Instead of expressing frustration, use it as a teaching moment. Discuss what went wrong and explore better choices for the future together. Encourage them by acknowledging the learning aspect of mistakes, reinforcing that every error is a step towards growth. The key is to be mindful of the trigger or root cause behind the choice or behavior, as that is what you truly need to address. 

Without knowing your exact situation, your individual approach, and your unique child’s needs, it would be challenging to detail your ideal response. Having the right leadership skills in your parenting toolbelt allows you to adapt on-to-go and navigate situations as they arise with confidence and peace of mind. Again, I encourage you to join us in The Calm & Confident Club, where together, we'll navigate the rewarding challenges of raising the next generation with faith, love, and effective leadership. Your children deserve it, of course, but so do you.