Is Your Parenting Style Affecting Your Child? Find Out How. Interview with Alicia Bennett.

This episode is also available on the Raising Faithful Families podcast and YouTube.

Katy Bordeaux: Today we have Alicia Bennett on to talk about another very interesting topic. Sometimes as parents, when our children are having a tough time, it's caused by us. And this is in no means to cause mom guilt or stress or add something else to your plate. It's more so to empower and give you an awareness that lets you adjust the way that you show up in your family to have such a significant and powerful, beautiful impact on your family through you. So stick around to hear more about what this looks like and how you can tailor your approach to really influence the people that you love the most.

Do you want to create peace in your home and be the best parent you possibly can be? Are you ready to feel confident and clear in your decisions? Do you wish you could navigate conflicts and challenges calmly and effectively? Well, there's a way to overcome the roadblocks that are standing between you and the family life you've prayed for, so that you can create consistent routines, find fulfillment and balance, and thrive in your life and family.

Katy Bordeaux: Hi friends, I'm Katy Bordeaux, host of Raising Faithful Families, founder of Covenant Collections Christian Parenting Company, and a certified parenting and family coach. In this podcast, I'll guide you on how to find balance and fulfillment without adding stress or sacrificing precious time, create peace in your home, become the parent God has called you to be, strengthen your connection with God and with your family, navigate life using biblical wisdom and Christian values, and experience growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and practically as a parent and as an individual. I'm here to help your family be its best for each other so that you can be your best for the kingdom of God. It's time to create a home filled with love, faith, and true joy. Let's thrive together with God at the center every step of the way. I pray this blesses you. Let's get started.

Alicia Bennett: Thanks for having me on again, Katy. My name is Alicia Bennett. On social media, I'm known as Mobilizer Mom, and I have my own blog at mobilizermom.com. I am passionate about helping moms raise the next generation. God gave me a phrase a couple of years ago, "raising a Daniel and Esther generation." This means raising a generation that stands firm on God's word and is bold and courageous in our current cultural climate. I have seen in my own life and in many moms around me how this starts in the home, and most of the time, it starts with mom. Moms are the heart of the home; they set the culture of the home. So when mom is struggling, families struggle. I am a coach who works specifically with Christian moms who want to change their motherhood journey and their family culture, ultimately with the goal of raising the next generation to know and love Jesus and spread the gospel.

Katy Bordeaux: Thank you. We're happy to have you. So let's just jump into this topic. How do we sometimes cause the issues that we're seeing in our children? Can you share what you've learned when it comes to this?

Alicia Bennett: Yeah, it is a hard topic, and it's so true. I think so many of us see it in little ways in our daily life. For example, when we take our kids to the dentist for the first time, and maybe we don't love the dentist. We give off this emotional response to what's happening next, and our kids pick up on that. Whether they're little kids or older kids, they reflect those emotions back to us. It happens daily, whether it's school, an activity, or going to the dentist. Kids look to us for how to respond in various situations.

I know for me, this really hit home when one of my sons was three. He was a challenging three-year-old and just knew how to push my buttons. It was one of those seasons where I would say, and I did say, "I love my son, but I do not like him." We've all had those seasons. After months of struggling with him and spiraling each other constantly, I realized one day that it didn't matter who started it; I was the parent and the adult. It was up to me to show him and teach him differently. This realization struck me hard. Maybe he would trigger me, but I would feed it right back to him, and we would keep going. It wasn't that I was always creating the situation, but the way I was responding to him was creating more conflict.

It just took a realization one day where I thought, "I'm the adult. He doesn't know any better. He is only mimicking what I am showing him." It's like when you have a newborn baby, and they put that baby on your chest. Your body temperature regulates that newborn baby's body temperature. They need that physical touch to learn physiologically how to regulate their own temperature. The same is true for emotional regulation. When I say our kids are little mirrors, they are mirroring us. The behaviors we see in our kids that we don't like, we need to take a good look in the mirror to see where we are showing them those behaviors and attitudes. When we get real and raw with ourselves and recognize that we are part of the problem, we are also part of the solution.

This is a challenging conversation today. Like you said, Katy, I don't want anyone to walk away overwhelmed or triggered. I want the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to us so we can make changes with God. It took a lot of hard work with my son to get to that place. But today, he is one of my most emotionally mature sons. I have four boys, and he is probably one of the most emotionally mature because we did the hard work in those early years. We have built a lot of trust and have a deep relationship because of it.

Katy Bordeaux: Those are really great points. I've seen that in my own home as well. It's hard to admit when you notice it. The toughest season I went through with my son was when he was three. I had lost a family member—my grandfather, who raised me, so it felt like losing a parent. I also had 8,000 things on my plate. I was still going through the motions, doing everything normal. Externally, everything looked the same, but I was a little disconnected to cope with things. My son started acting out, physically hitting me, and I was confused. I admitted to others that I didn't know what was going on with him. The advice I received made me regret asking. It was a lot of "You need to spank him," and "You need to lay down the law."

Instead, I prayed a lot and asked God what was going on with him. The Lord revealed that it was me. My son was acting out because he missed the connection with me that no one else noticed was different. He felt it and acted out to get back to that connection. As soon as I shifted, his behavior completely returned to normal. This is a good example of exactly what you're saying.

Alicia Bennett: Yeah, that was so sweet of the Lord. It's a great reminder that God knows our kids better than we do. When we turn to friends or family, we don't always get the best advice. But when we turn to the Lord and ask Him, He wants to show us. That was so sweet of Him to show you that.

Katy Bordeaux: Now, that's the first place I look. It's not always us, but a lot of times, it can be. For anyone going through this right now, what are some steps they can take to evaluate and adjust the ways they're showing up?

Alicia Bennett: It's a hard question because it's challenging for parents to admit they're causing or contributing to the situation. It's very uncomfortable to take that look inward. It's convicting to see it in your own attitudes, behavior, or sin creating that culture in your home. First and foremost, I want to remind everyone to give grace to yourself. Jesus did not come to condemn the world but to save it. Remember what Paul writes in the New Testament: there is no condemnation in Christ. If you feel mom guilt, that is not from Jesus. If Christ says you are forgiven, then who are you not to forgive yourself? Nobody is perfect. We all need Jesus's restoration daily. If you feel mom guilt, renounce it because that is a lie from Satan. Mom guilt is from Satan. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit, and you need to know the difference.

When you're ready and feel conviction, you need to be in a place where you can honestly look at yourself without guilt-tripping. Pray and ask God to reveal your sinful thoughts, attitudes, beliefs about yourself, your motherhood, your family, your children, so you can repent. You can't heal from something hidden. Write it down. I encourage people to journal. Journaling is like leaving our sins at the foot of the cross. Getting thoughts out on paper allows you to objectively look at them, repent, confess, and ask for forgiveness. Allow God to show you the truth. Replace lies with biblical truth. Meditate on those new truths daily. This activity was life-altering for me.

Lastly, ask for forgiveness from those impacted. Call a family meeting if needed. Meditate on the new truths God gives you. Our thoughts and beliefs are stronger the more we think them. Renewing our minds daily in those truths changes our behavior. It's a regular activity for me and something I teach my clients. It helps moms truly renew their minds and their identity, which overflows into every action.

Katy Bordeaux: Every time you think there's one more thing to work on, God helps you get through it, and then you see something else. He knows we can't handle it all at one time.

Alicia Bennett: Yes, He takes us through it in a process. I think it all comes down to helping our kids find their identity in Christ. God is our creator and the only one who gets to speak truth over us. That's foundational. Our culture emphasizes outward things, but we have to keep coming back to the truth of our identity in Christ.

Alicia Bennett: As parents, we need to help our kids find their identity in Christ. Knowing their identity in Christ sets the foundation. It's crucial for their growth. For different ages, I have a one-hour intentional parenting module on emotional intelligence. It looks different for each age. I help moms guide their kids through understanding emotions and regulating them. This process helps kids see how their emotions impact their actions.

I call this activity "Feelings are Flashlights." It helps moms guide their kids through recognizing how their emotions influence their actions. Conversations about emotions, attitudes, and outcomes are empowering. It teaches kids to understand their feelings and how they affect their behavior.

Katy Bordeaux: Energy is definitely contagious. I used to take on responsibility for others' feelings. I thought it was empathy, but it was more than that. I've learned to separate someone else's state of mind from my responsibility. I want to teach my child this before he carries that burden for too long.

Alicia Bennett: Yes, it all comes down to knowing your identity in Christ. Jesus is the answer to our core human needs: love, worth, and safety. When we remind ourselves daily of who we are in Christ, we enter circumstances with a different attitude and confidence. It's a daily practice. When we stray from that foundation, we are more impacted by others and our emotions.

Katy Bordeaux: That's great. I know you shared a bit about a conversation you had with your son. Have you had conversations with your children about your parenting approach that influenced how you show up for them?

Alicia Bennett: Yes, I've had great conversations with my older two boys, who are in middle school. When my eldest entered his teen years, I told him, "I've never been a mom of a teenage boy before, and you've never been a teenage boy before. I want you to know I'm going to make mistakes." I wanted us to have a respectful relationship where we could communicate openly. Respect is a core value in our family.

When he has been emotional or upset, we've had conversations about respectful communication. For example, if he had a bad attitude about something, I would tell him how to approach it respectfully. This has helped him understand how his attitude affects outcomes. I've even coached him through challenging conversations with teachers or his dad.

Katy Bordeaux: This sets him up for success in the future when he needs to communicate respectfully with others. It helps him have healthy relationships.

Alicia Bennett: Yes, I've even coached him through conversations with a boss or teacher. It's important to have these conversations and help them understand their emotions and how they impact their actions.

Katy Bordeaux: Thank you. This has been wonderful. If people want to work with you more or follow you, where can they find you?

Alicia Bennett: I'm on Instagram at @mobilizermom. You can find parenting tips and coaching ideas there. I also have a blog at mobilizermom.com, where I share more in-depth content.

I hope this episode was valuable for you, and I pray you're walking away with a new insight, perspective, or idea to implement as you move forward. Remember that God makes everything we truly need available to us. The life you've prayed for is just waiting for you to take the next step. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe and leave us a review so that we can continue showing up and reaching families who need this message. Until next time, take care and stay blessed.

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