Are You Listening? The Impact of Your Child's Voice in Parenting
Jun 14, 2024Hi, friends. It's Katy with Raising Faithful Families. Today, I want to discuss something that wasn’t on my planned list but has been on my heart. This topic might be something you need to hear today.
In parenting, maintaining an open line of communication and being receptive to your children's feedback is invaluable. While children shouldn’t make all family decisions or dictate parenting methods since they lack the broader perspective and experience we have, it's important to remember that we, too, are imperfect. We're constantly learning and adapting, and every child requires a unique approach to nurture a lifelong bond. We have room for improvement as well. We should never end any season of parenting the same as we started it. We're learning, growing, and evolving every single day right alongside our children.
Leadership and Parenting
I believe that effective leadership skills translate perfectly into parenting. In fact, parenting is a form of leadership. Just as a good leader engages in open communication with their team and acknowledges their individual needs and perspectives, we should do the same within our families.
One practice I recommend is holding regular family meetings, much like team meetings in a professional setting. Even if you can't change certain family rules or "policies," discussing them shows your children that you value their opinions and care about their feelings. This transparency builds trust and understanding, allowing for minor adjustments that can significantly improve the family dynamic. By treating parenting as leadership, we create an environment where everyone feels heard, respected, and valued.
Adjusting Approaches
When fostering open communication with your children, it's important to actively seek their feedback. One day, I decided to ask my four-year-old son if there was anything I do as a mom that he doesn’t like. After asking a few probing questions to help him articulate his thoughts, he expressed frustration about how I sometimes take his toys away when he hasn't listened to my request to put it away quickly enough, especially when we’re in a hurry.
His feedback was eye-opening. While my actions were effective in redirecting his attention and getting us out the door on time, they made him feel disrespected and unheard. To address this, I added a pre-step: ensuring I have his eye contact before instructing him. Now, I make sure he’s looking at me and fully understands what I need him to do before I ask him to put his toy down. This simple adjustment—making sure he hears and understands me—usually prevents the need to take his toy away because he is able to hear, understand, and follow the direction more easily. This approach respects his feelings while still achieving the desired outcome, demonstrating that small changes can make a big difference in how our children perceive our actions.
Encouraging Respectful Communication
Encouraging open communication doesn’t mean abandoning necessary discipline. It's about striking a balance where your children feel heard and understood, regardless of their age. For instance, before imposing consequences, have deep conversations with your child about their perspective. Whether they’re a teenager or a younger child, understanding their mindset helps you guide them toward better choices in the future. This approach not only makes them feel valued but also fosters a stronger, more trusting relationship. By genuinely listening to their concerns and viewpoints, you can tailor your guidance to be more effective and compassionate, leading to more meaningful and lasting changes in their behavior.
Practical Steps to Implement Open Communication
Ask for Feedback: Make it a habit to regularly ask your children how you can improve as a parent. Their insights might surprise you and lead to positive changes. This not only helps you grow but also shows your children that their opinions matter.
Make Eye Contact: Before giving instructions, ensure your child is fully attentive by making eye contact. This simple act can prevent misunderstandings and make them feel respected and valued, reinforcing their importance in the conversation.
Hold Family Meetings: Schedule regular family meetings to create a safe space for everyone to voice their thoughts and feelings. Even if you can’t change everything, showing that you care about their input builds trust and strengthens family bonds.
Engage in Deep Conversations: Take the time to understand their perspectives before imposing correction. This approach fosters mutual respect and encourages better decision-making, helping them feel heard and supported.
Open communication is one of the most powerful tools in parenting. It shows your children that you value their thoughts and feelings, leading to stronger, healthier relationships. By making small adjustments based on their feedback, you can significantly improve the way you connect with and guide your children.
Remember, fostering open communication isn't about letting your kids run the household. It's about respecting their individuality and creating an environment where they feel heard and valued. This approach not only strengthens your bond with them but also helps them grow into confident, well-adjusted individuals.
Thank you for joining me today. I hope this insight into open communication in parenting encourages you to create meaningful conversations with your children, leading to lifelong, unbreakable bonds. If you’re looking for more support and resources on your parenting journey, I invite you to join the Calm & Confident Club. It’s a community designed to help you thrive as a parent, providing practical advice, encouragement, and a supportive network of like-minded parents.
Let's continue this journey together. Take care and stay blessed.
Author
Katy Bordeaux is a Certified Parenting & Family Coach and the founder of both Covenant Collections and Kingdom Purpose Moms. Passionate about guiding families to thrive, Katy combines biblical wisdom with practical parenting strategies to help parents build strong, faith-filled homes. Connect with her for more resources and support on your parenting journey.
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