Are Boundaries Biblical?

Are Boundaries Biblical? 

That's a great question..

Parenting can be … well .. let’s just play it safe and say... a lot to handle.

A lot to navigate. A lot to learn. And a LOT to do.

Eventually. setting boundaries becomes somewhat of a practical necessity to maintain our sanity. But as Christians, sometimes that can feel like …. selfishness.

Like a lack of serving others. Like we’re falling short.

Today I want to share with you biblical support for setting boundaries: How to do so, why to do so, and how important this is for your overall wellbeing and stress management as a parent.  

First, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the Bible provides us guidance on setting boundaries to protect our hearts, minds, and our families.

Proverbs 4:23 advises us to guard our hearts because everything that we do flows from it. Then in verse 26 “Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” 

What we do, why we do it, and how we do it is so important.

We’re not called to do anything, for anyone, anytime.

We’re cautioned to give careful thought to the things that we choose to do. We’re also called to protect our hearts, where we were told to keep the word of God within us. Because the word of God within us is where we draw life and health from.

So of course we need to guard and protect that.  

Now let’s talk about some biblical examples of situations that required boundaries.

We’re called to be in the world, not of the world. To set our sights on God’s guidance even though that means we will be rejected and even hated by those who don’t understand.

Can you even imagine what that was like on a scale like Noah faced?

No one, literally...no one believed him or trusted what he knew to be true. He was ridiculed and judged.

Most of the time, we are able to shield ourselves from that level of harassment for our faith, at least we’re privileged enough to do so in most areas here in the US, which I am extremely thankful for, but Noah didn’t have online communities to reach out to.

He didn’t have Christian friends in other cities to call.

Apparently he didn’t have a church family either if he was the only person, him and his family, who were deemed worthy of surviving the flood.

He worked tirelessly on the ark, in a time and place where rain was not the norm. People thought he was crazy and treated him like he was crazy. But he knew his calling from God was far more important than whether or not anyone else supported it, and he placed impenetrable boundaries around that.

He didn’t allow anyone or anyone to discourage or distract him.

Sometimes your calling is going to require your focus to a degree that doesn’t allow you to spread yourself between many other commitments and put your God-given tasks on hold to accommodate everyone and everything else.

Be very careful that your faith driven focus is something you protect with as many boundaries as necessary.  

 In Genesis, we learn that Abram (Abraham) and Lot, who were related, and who both had many blessings, many herds, and many riches... ran into conflict because of their proximity.

There wasn’t enough space for each of them to live in the same area and keep all of their blessings side by side.

Genesis 13:7 says that quarrelling began between Abram and Lot’s herders. The land was not strong enough to support them both.

So despite being family, in order to protect what was theirs, protect their blessings, and maintain peace amongst their people, they parted ways.

In verses 8 & 9, “Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

In this case, a boundary was put in place even amongst family in order to protect one another's blessings and protect their peace.  

 Also in Genesis, Joseph was highly favored by Potiphar. He was placed in charge of the household and denied nothing except for, of course, Potiphar’s wife.

Then wifey decided she wanted Joseph and made attempt after attempt to convince and seduce him to sleep with her. Joseph put up boundaries to protect the life and the blessings he didn’t want to lose. He didn’t want to disappoint or disrespect Potiphar or God, and he refused to give in to her advances because of it.

Even when she did her best to have him punished and he was thrown into prison, God still protected him and brought him success because he followed God not for his own benefit but out of honor and out of respect.   

 Okay, one more. This one is one of my favorites.

We talked about introducing boundaries in order to protect our God given callings like Noah did. But in Exodus, Moses had allowed himself to get overwhelmed by his calling. He was acting alone as judge to the people all day, every day.

His father-in-law, Jethro, came and asked why. Of course, Moses said in verse 15, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. 

That’s a big job!! Moses is someone who God literally spoke to through a burning bush. Who he used to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. His calling was BIG.

We already have a hard enough time saying no and protecting our time from overwhelming responsibilities as it is. Can you imagine how much harder it would be if we felt like single handedly serving thousands of people from sunup to sundown was our responsibility?

That that was God’s expectation of us?

His father-in-law was right to be concerned with his ability to maintain this.  

In verse 17-18, "Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 

Then in verse 23, “If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”

As humans, we have limitations. We also often can struggle with recognizing and honoring those limitations. Moses incorporated boundaries in order to delegate some of his work and not burn himself out. We can too.  

Even Jesus rested when he was tired. Because he was both God and man. And his human body had human limitations.

God rested on the 7th day of creation not because He needed to, but likely to lead by example for our benefit. God told us to rest on the Sabbath. To work for 6 days, then have a day of rest. I don’t think we’re sinning when we don’t take an entire day off from work, but I think there’s a lot of wisdom worth paying attention to in that.

#1 take the time to honor God. To be present with him. Daily. Constantly.

#2 take the time to rest and recharge. We cannot perform at our best if we do not rest.

Boundaries allow us to protect each of these things.  

I want to talk a little bit about another example Jesus provides us. In Matthew 12:46-50, we see an example of Jesus holding boundaries.  

"While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” 

This isn’t Jesus saying his family is unimportant, but it IS Jesus saying his work in God is just AS important. And those who are choosing to follow God are now His family also.

A lot of times, we feel guilty if we don’t drop everything to do something for a family member. Obviously your specific situation will vary, but let this be your permission that if Jesus himself was willing to expect his family to wait sometimes, then we can too.

His calling was his priority in that moment, and he was unapologetic about that.

These stories aren’t in scripture by accident. These are lessons we were meant to know and learn from. Intentionally.  

Boundaries aren’t negative, and they aren’t a weakness. They’re intentional, and they’re for our protection.

Think of them as invisible lines in the sand that define our limits, protect our calling, our time, our emotions, and our energy.  

Studies show a clear correlation between a lack of boundaries and increased stress levels. And I don’t know about you, but I know any way that I can avoid extra stress in my life, sign me up.  

Boundaries are not a lack of grace or compassion. They’re an act of love and honor and one more way that we can actually deny the flesh, which wants to act like it’s capable of all things.. when it isn’t. (That's our pride talking).

I think we can all agree that our goal should be to live more like Jesus.

So let’s talk more about Jesus.  

In Matthew 14: 18-23, Jesus fed 5,000 people, which is a well-known story.

But can you imagine how many people out of 5,000 wanted Jesus’ time and attention?

How many questions they must have had?

Even still, Jesus dismissed them.

He fed them... and then he dismissed them. He also dismissed his disciples, and he went onto the mountain to pray.

Jesus knew how to set a boundary, okay?

He didn’t answer every single question that every single person had.

He didn’t heal every single person with a sickness.

He didn’t stay up all hours of the night so that no one ever felt turned away.

He did what he was called to do, what he could do, what he planned to do, and he put boundaries in place otherwise.

He sent the people away because he needed that time with God in prayer and nothing was more important than that in that moment. 

Jesus often withdrew from the crowds and the work to rest.

He spent a lot of time with the people: teaching, healing, serving.

But when he recognized the need for rest, he took it.  

Jesus also asked for help when he needed it.

Are those things hard for you sometimes, too?

If they are, turn to scripture and remind yourself that even Jesus needed rest, and even Jesus asked for help when he needed it.

There’s no trophy for doing the most with the least.

There’s no benefit to spreading yourself so thin you have nothing left.  

Try to remind yourselves that boundaries are not just a strategy for protecting your peace and wellbeing, they’re also a necessary practice for navigating life with purpose and faith.   

I hope you’ve found value in this lesson on boundaries, and I want to invite you to join us December 1st-December 12th for an amazing, and FREE, training series to create clarity & purpose in our parenting for 2024.

For more information and to sign up, you can go to covenantcollections.com/2024.

This series will have bite-sized lessons, very clear directives, tons of flexibility to work with your life and in your time, and also 18 free gifts just for signing up.

Those who participate in our free FB group The Christian Parenting Community will also have access to the $3,888 worth of giveaways that will take place throughout the 12 days. I’m really excited, and it’s going to be a lot of fun, so I hope to see you there!  

With love,

Katy B.

Founder of Covenant Collections

Certified Parenting and Family Coach