Be Their Shepherd, Not Their God: Navigating Parenting Through Faith 

In the journey of parenting, it's easy to find yourself desiring control over every aspect of your children's lives. Or, rather than desiring it, fighting for it without even meaning to. From their safety to their faith, you often wish you could be an omnipotent guardian, shielding them from every harm and guiding their every step. This desire, though rooted in love, can overshadow the more empowering truth that your role is not to be their God, but instead to be their shepherd. The shepherd role is illustrated by Jesus Himself, who guides not with force but with love, patience, and wisdom. As parents, embracing this role means releasing an unrealistic level of control and instead, guiding your children through life with a shepherd’s hand. 

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Guiding Hearts: The Art of Shepherding with Love 

Imagine a shepherd, staff in hand, walking the rolling hills under a wide, open sky. This shepherd doesn’t control every move the sheep make but watches over them with a keen eye and a heart ready to guide, protect, and care for each one. This is how we're called to parent—mixing authority with kindness and leadership with love. 

Even in the vast landscape, the shepherd knows each sheep by name, understanding their unique personalities and needs. As parents, this reminds us to see our children as individuals, each with their own quirks, dreams, and challenges. It's an invitation to know your kids deeply, to appreciate their distinctiveness, and to guide them with a personalized approach that reaches their heart and spirit. This kind of tailored guidance mirrors the individual care and attention our Heavenly Father shows each of us, teaching us the value of personal attention and the deep impact of empathetic love. 

Your role as a shepherd asks more of you than just providing for physical needs. It’s about nourishing their spirits with the gospel’s truth, filling their minds with wisdom, and ensuring they always feel the warmth of unconditional love. You’re to create spaces where they can safely explore, learn from their mistakes, and grow, all within the reassuring presence of your guidance and God’s grace. 

True shepherding gives your children the freedom to wander and discover, under your vigilant watch, encouraging them to find their independence while ensuring they know the way back to you, and more importantly, to God. It’s teaching them to discern His voice in their lives, comforting them with the knowledge that He’s always there guiding their steps, even when you’re not physically present. 

By embracing this shepherd's mantle, you become a vigilant protector, wise guide, and a cheerleader of every milestone and moment in your children’s lives. You model the love and guidance of the ultimate Shepherd, pointing your kids towards Him with every action, word, and prayer. It's in the daily routine, the simple moments, that you can find profound opportunities to guide your children with love, just as He lovingly guides you. 

From Control to Guidance 

Just as a shepherd leads their flock, your role in your children’s lives is more about guidance than control. They look to you to navigate the complexities of life, to distinguish right from wrong, and to live out the grace and truth of the Gospel in the ordinary and extraordinary moments of daily life. It’s a journey that calls you to lean not on your own understanding but to trust in the guidance of the ultimate Shepherd, who leads us all. 

Navigating this shift from control to guidance can be both freeing and daunting. It means stepping back at times to allow your children to make their own choices, to experience the natural consequences of those choices, and to learn from them. It's about being present, offering a steady hand or a comforting word, and knowing when to let go and let God work in their hearts. 

This approach doesn’t mean you’re hands-off. On the contrary, it’s an active, intentional stance. You’re there to set boundaries that keep them safe, to provide wisdom that helps them grow, and to instill values that guide them towards their own relationship with God. You’re modeling what it means to listen for God’s voice, to seek His will, and to follow His ways—not out of obligation, but out of love and a desire to live a life that’s pleasing to Him. 

In the everyday moments—whether it’s a decision about what to watch on TV, how to handle a disagreement with a friend, or even the bigger questions about faith and purpose—you have the chance to guide your children in understanding the world through a lens of faith. These are opportunities to discuss, to question, and to explore together, always pointing back to the Gospel as your ultimate compass. 

Embracing this shift from control to guidance is a powerful act of faith. It acknowledges that while, of course, you play a critical role in your children’s lives, there is a greater Guide at work. It’s a reminder to ourselves and to our children that we are all following the lead of the ultimate Shepherd, trusting Him to guide us through every valley and over every mountain. 

A Lesson from Iceland: Trusting Instincts Within Safe Boundaries 

I once visited and road tripped around Iceland, which is a place where sheep wander with a kind of freedom many of us aren’t used to. The absence of traditional predators and lack of abundant food source on any one property in Iceland has led to a unique way of shepherding that relies less on constant oversight and more on trusting the sheep’s natural instincts, alongside the community coming together to look after the flock. 

This story from Iceland beautifully reflects a parenting style that balances freedom and safety. It's a reminder that giving your children space to explore and learn on their own, when it’s safe to do so, is invaluable. Like the Icelandic shepherds, you learn to trust in the instincts you’ve nurtured in your children and in the collective wisdom of your community—your church, your family, and your friends—to support them in their journey. 

With safe and clear boundaries, your children can safely explore, discover, and grow with a safe space to return to, and a trust that God is watching over them, even in your absence. 

What I find so beautiful about this is the parallel to shepherding in the majority of the United States, where of course due to the sheep’s natural predators and various other factors, there’s much more oversight. I think that’s important to note because we all may approach parenting a bit differently, and that’s okay. Regardless of our specific individual approach based on our specific individual circumstances, we see that our role is to guide, correct when necessary, and always to protect. But it’s also to delight in the individuals our children are becoming, fostering their independence while ensuring they know they’re never truly alone. Our efforts, diverse as they may be, are all underlined by the same truth: we’re all operating under God’s grace and provision. 

Embracing Our Shepherd's Mantle 

As a parent, you must find the delicate balance between leading and letting go, between guiding and trusting. Your tasks are clear: 

Provide for their needs, pointing them to the Provider of all. 

Guide their steps, teaching them to listen for the Shepherd's voice. 

Correct with love, showing them the way back when they stray. 

Protect them, trusting in the Protector to cover where you cannot. 

Delight in them, reflecting the joy our Shepherd finds in us. 

Moving Forward Together: A Journey of Faith and Love 

As you walk this path of Christian parenting, your highest calling remains clear: to gently lead your children towards the heart of God, illuminating His ways, and resting in the assurance of His provision and protection. This journey invites you to set aside any illusion of control and warmly embrace your role as shepherds. This not only draws us nearer to our children but also deepens our own connection with our Heavenly Father’s heart. 

In embracing this responsibility, we're reminded that we do not walk alone. The ultimate Shepherd is with you every step of the way, guiding you as you guide your little ones. It’s a path marked not by perfection but by grace, driven with love, and a profound trust that ultimately in His care, your children have everything they need. 

Together, with God’s hand guiding and your heart open to His leading, you’ll face challenges, growth, and boundless joy. As you move forward with faith and love, I urge you to trust in the Shepherd to lead you each step of the way. 

I also would love to invite you to join other like-minded parents on a similar journey of love, light, and intentional parenting inside The Calm & Confident Club, where you can face each step of the journey with the support, guidance, and community you deserve.  

Written by:  

Katy Bordeaux, Founder of Covenant Collections and Certified Parenting & Family Coach