4 Simple Mindset Shifts for More Peaceful Parenting
Jan 01, 2024
Welcome to modern parenting, where overwhelm, stress, and confusion often run the show, and the desire for a peaceful home can start to feel like some kind of an elusive dream. Kind of like trying to plug something in behind the bed.. in the dark – frustrating, confusing, and definitely a little unsure if it’s going to work.. But guess what?
It doesn’t have to be that hard.
I can’t offer you a parenting hack that magically solves everything. But I can offer a clear, simplified roadmap to more peaceful parenting.
A treasure map, if you will.
You’re still going to have to follow the path. But it’s so much easier with a map, right?!
Today I’m going to share the 4 simple mindset shifts that you’ll need to reach that treasure.
And because I understand how skeptical we’ve become and because I had time today, I decided to add research-backed, AND scripture-based support to each one of them.
Are you ready to throw chaos out the window once and for all and create a home environment your family can truly thrive in?
Awesome!! Let’s learn 4 mindset shifts that will help you go from feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and confused in your homes to an environment of peace, efficient parent-leadership, and unbreakable family bonds -----
#1 - Embrace Progress Over Perfection
Alright, let's get real, y’all. We've all been there – the Pinterest-perfect expectations that meet the messy reality of parenting. It's not a test, it's not a checklist, and there's certainly no perfect scorecard. Parenting is a journey, a wild ride through uncharted territories with no GPS. Embracing progress over perfection is like giving yourself permission to take detours, make wrong turns, and still enjoy the scenic route that is real life.
Embracing progress means understanding that the bumps in the road aren't failures; they're just part of the adventure. It's okay to celebrate the messy kitchen after baking cookies or the fort made of pillows that now looks more like a collapsing igloo. The real-life scenarios are where the real growth happens.
Philippians 3:12- "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." This one helps with context.. Paul is basically speaking of all the ways wanting to be more like Christ makes him want to abandon the ways of the world and how as much as he desires this, he’s not there yet. He’s a work in progress. He says he forgets the past and presses forward towards the goal. The treasure.
It's an ongoing journey. There’s so much growth, so much beauty, and so much to be learned from the progress. Just keep moving forward.
Progress > Perfection
Psychologist Carol Dweck had some valuable insights on the "growth mindset." It's not just a buzzword; it's a game-changer in how we approach challenges, and yes, that includes parenting challenges. Studies in educational psychology highlight that those who have a growth mindset don't see mistakes as roadblocks but as stepping stones. They don't throw in the towel when things get tough; they see effort as a path to reaching their goals. They see failures as learning experiences.
So, let's apply this mindset to our parenting journey. A growth mindset in parenting means adaptability – rolling with the chaos, learning from the mess-ups, and coming out the other side with resilience, lessons learned, and a lot of stories to tell.
#2- Prioritize Connection Over Control
Research leaves nothing to the imagination when it comes to the importance of genuine connections between parents and their children. Dr. John Gottman would be considered a relationship guru, and he teaches that this is all about trust, understanding, and resilience.
Can you think of a single time when a power struggle led to a heart-to-heart with a genuine connection? But genuine connections are the secret sauce. They’re what make every difficult time more manageable. They’re what get our families through the lows and make the highs higher.
We don’t really want to be “the boss”. We want to be the guide. The confidante. The support system. The mentor. A person they can trust. We want a strong relationship. Gottman’s research also explores emotional intelligence in kids. Strong emotional connections at home are ALSO the secret sauce to boosting social skills, improving academic performance, and setting your kid up for success with their emotional well-being.
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it." Connections built with our children early on are like seeds that we plant that grow into strong, lasting roots that create strong and resilient children for life. Prioritizing strong connections in our families isn't just a good idea; it's also following biblical advice to nurture our little humans in a way that shapes their paths for the rest of their lives.
So, whenever you feel the urge to lean into control, take a deep breath and choose connection instead. We don’t need to be the puppet master; we need to be the anchor in their storm, the safe harbor. Prioritize connection, and watch as it not only strengthens your parent-child bond but also sets the stage for your child's all-around success.
#3- Master the Art of Prioritization
Let's dive into the art of prioritization. I’m sure we all have excessive to-do lists. But imagine if your day was a blank canvas, and you got to paint a masterpiece. You wouldn’t include everything if you were aiming to create a masterpiece. You’d choose carefully and include only the things that fit best. That’s what prioritization is like. We’re not just going to aimlessly do things- we're going to align our daily actions with our core values. Syncing our actions to our values helps us create a life of fulfillment and well-being rather than just going through the motions day after day.
We don’t want to be busy just for the sake of being busy. We want to be intentional, purposeful, and aligned with what truly matters most. It helps us take steps forward with purpose and direction.
Matthew 6:33 – "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." When we prioritize what truly matters most, the rest will fall into place. We can align our actions to our values and create a home environment centered on what is genuinely meaningful.
Positive Psychology studies by Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi show that living in alignment with your values is actually linked to higher levels of life satisfaction. Applying this guidance to parenting creates a family grounded in shared values that experiences a true sense of fulfillment and purpose.
So, as you navigate the whirlwind of family life, don't just tackle tasks – create your masterpiece. Master the art of prioritization, and watch as your family life shifts from chaos to a purposeful, meaningful journey. It's not just about doing; it's about doing what truly matters.
#4- Define a Clear Vision for Your Family
Now let’s talk about defining a clear vision for your family. Making any decision, big or small, without a clear sense of where you're headed or what you’re aiming for is asking for trouble. That's the power of a family vision – it points you toward your desired outcomes. It helps keep the family running smoothly.
Rather than just reacting to the chaos around you, you’re able to steer through it with purpose because a well-defined vision provides structure and consistency for navigating life. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but you do need to know which direction you want to go before you start making your way there.
Proverbs 29:18 – "Where there is no vision, the people perish." If we don’t take the time to see what God wants to do in our lives, and align our vision with His will for our families, we will just basically wander aimlessly. OR we can find and follow that vision and be blessed. That's the importance of having a direction for your family. A defined vision prevents your family unit from becoming a ship lost at sea in the challenges of life.
Research from Olson and McCubbin shows that that families with a vision are exhibiting better communication, resilience, and overall satisfaction. Having a clear family vision is your secret weapon for navigating challenges and making decisions that align with your long-term goals.
These 4 simple mindset shifts, drawn from both biblical wisdom and research, can pave the way for enduring peace and unbreakable family bonds. Celebrate progress, prioritize connections, master the art of prioritization, and define a clear vision – and may your family experience continuous growth, genuine connections, purposeful prioritization, and a clear vision for a fulfilling and purposeful future. 🌟
If you want to work together and go so much deeper towards creating calm in your home and confidence within your parenting journey, go to covenantcollections.com/club to learn more about The Calm & Confident Club and whether that’s a good fit for you.
I hope you learned something and plan to implement these simple mindset shifts with significant benefits. Happy New Year!
Love,
Katy B.
Founder of Covenant Collections
Certified Parenting & Family Coach
